Instead, you should probably work on removing the framework of defense completely.
There is no difference between defensiveness and defending yourself.
There are very few scenarios in which we truly need to defend our point of view.
Rather, we are mostly driven to do so by the desire to be right.
How to respond to criticism without being defensive.
Gottman shares that breaking out of this loop requires taking responsibility or expressing validation.
Validation might sound like:
Taking responsibility sounds like… And with trust, we open up more space for discussion.
The other person lets their guard down and will be more willing to hear you out, too.
Defensiveness vs. setting boundaries.
In those moments, you mustset boundaries.
Boundaries do not enter into the defensiveness patterning.
They are not about proving that you are right and they are wrong.
