I vividly remember the first time I felt it.
As he talked, his face looked brighter, his eyes clearer.
I saw a sudden reemergence of his vitality I hadnt fully seen in our domestic nest for many years.
I exclaimed, genuinely excited, I am so happy for you!
What brought on these feelings of joy in both of us?
Hed just had sex with another woman.
And, yep, I was stoked for him.
Why some people let their husbands and wives sleep with someone else.
So, quite frankly, I think I was just happy to see that my husband was still sexual.
But it also felt scary.
Even as it becomes more common, there’s a strongstigma around consensual non-monogamy.
Whose business was it if we wanted to be sexual with other people?
And why wouldnt we want to do something that was going to make our marriage work better?
Why having sex with other people can make sense in committed relationships.
In this way, compersion is antithetical to how we view relationships and expect to operate in them.
And compersion, of course, challenges this ideology.
It supports the idea that you are individual beings with perhaps divergent desires or needs.
This stifling setup can prohibit the joyful feeling of compersion.
Can you pursue compersion in a monogamous relationship?
It’s a quality that can help enlivenanyrelationship.
By giving it a go you could open your heart to many happy and interesting possibilities.
There are so manypolyamorous practices that could help monogamous couples.
Sometimes people ask me if I get jealous.
I absolutely do I feel it all.
This is my productive conversation.
And it is just that: a conversation, dynamic, evolving.
To me, compersion is a lifestyle; its a way to love and to be loved.
What an “open marriage” really means.
I would not call myself polyamorous nor would I say I am monogamous.
There are times my marriage is open.
There are times it is shut.
I want an ongoing, open conversation with my spouse.
What do you need?
Its a casual inquiry that happens about once a week.
Because love is a verb, and I want my actions to be responsive.
Of course, many forces threaten eros bills, caring for kids, ambitious careers.
But I still want an erotic charge in my marriage and sometimes that comes by way of another person.
Lets not pathologize these very natural eruptions of eroticism.
My husband and I deliberately choose to have conversations about what we do with these sexual attractions.
Sometimes its nothing at all.
Sometimes its legalized cheating."
Cheating is so much more digestible to many people than “ethical non-monogamy.”
But my intention in my marriage is so much broader.
I want longevity, sure.
A 50-year golden anniversary sounds great.
Having thisopen and honest communicationkeeps that spark.
I want choices and intelligent discourse.
Knowledge is power and intelligence.
I want the illumination of fully knowing the man I love.
Even if it sends my heart accelerating with some fear.
