We all feel insecure from time to timewhether we openly admit it or not.
It’s one of the most human feelings, and there’s really no shame in it.
What matters more is how you deal with your insecurities.
What is insecurity?
This self-doubt is often triggered by our experiences or interpersonal situations.
“A common misconception is that insecure people are shy and withdrawn.
While this may be true for some people, others may appear outwardly confident.
Where feelings of insecurity come from.
There are many reasons why someone might feel insecure.
Even people who are ordinarily confident may develop feelings of insecurity because someone made them doubt themselves.
People may also experience insecurity because they feel they do not live up to societal norms.
Additionally, some people may be insecure because of the family system they grew up in.
Insecurity in relationships:
Ourinsecurities within our relationshipsalmost always bloom from insecurity within ourselves.
These attachment styles are a major factor in how a person reacts in relationships.
“If you consistently struggle with insecurity in relationships, you may haveanxious attachment style.
Anxious attachment develops when caregivers respond sporadically to a child’s needs.
Sometimes needs are met, and sometimes they are not,” she explains.
Controlling
Buxani-Mirpuri also notes, “People who are insecure can be very controlling.
Thus, an insecure person can be very controlling toward their romantic partners.”
People-pleasing
Sometimes, insecurity can manifest through an incessant desire to hey others.
Reassurance-seeking
Seeking excessive reassurance can look like asking the same questions repeatedly and at times compulsively.
According to Garcia, common reassurance-seeking questions in relationships include “Are you mad at me?”
and “Do you love me?”
You feel you must be perfect at home, at work, and/or in your relationships.
You set unattainable standards for yourself and exhaust yourself attempting to reach these.
Practice meditation and other self-nurturing behaviors.
These practices have stuck around because they work,” Hunter says.
Use affirmations.
Negative self-talkis the most common symptom of insecurity, says Jamea.
One way to counteract that is through the use of writing, she suggests.
Validate yourself.
Lev suggests practicing self-compassion techniques daily.
For example, “It makes sense that I feel insecure.
It makes sense that I feel anxious.
It makes sense that I need security.
May I feel secure, may I accept myself as I am.
I’m doing my best.”
Let go of what others think about you.
“Insecure people worry excessively about what others think of them,” says Jamea.
“Letting go of this concern can do wonders to help you overcome feelings of insecurity.
Participating in a ‘letting go’ ritual is an effective strategy.
Write down what you think others think of you on strips of paper.
Remove triggers.
If you find that certain actions or people trigger insecurity, take a step back.
Practice emotion exposure.
It’s a mindfulness practice that is meant to help people cultivate acceptance of difficult thoughts and feelings.
The takeaway.
If you’re dealing with insecurities, you might be asking yourself how much is too much?
But according to Lev, there’s no such thing as too much of a feeling of insecurity.
“Feelings are not problematic.
Feelings give us information about what matters and what’s important to us.
Behaviors can be problematic.
The feeling itself is not a problem.
We have the same choice to move toward our values whether we feel secure or insecure.
Cultivating self-compassion is the ultimate key to overcoming your insecurities.
It’s important to offer yourself grace throughout your journey of healing and growing.
Approach your feelings and triggers with curiosity.
Or at the very least, better manage the way you process those feelings.
