Harlow radiates strong self-esteem and a secure attachment style.
When she first connected with Tobi, she thought they were a match made in heaven.
Tobi was intelligent, hardworking, and a great cook.
But as their relationship evolved, it was clear that Tobi wasemotionally unavailable.
Why it’s important to assess attachment styles.
The four attachment styles.
(Here’s anattachment style quizif you need help figuring out which one is yours.)
Secure attachment
Individuals with asecure attachmentstyle tend to be “rocks” in a relationship.
The securely attached person is able to be vulnerable and intimately connected.
Anxious attachment
Those with ananxious attachment styletend to vacillate between clinginess and fear in their romantic relationships.
They are often preoccupied with their relationships and fear being abandoned or rejected.
Poor self-regulation (emotional highs and lows) and low self-esteem are common.
The anxiously attached person feels deeply flawed but often elevates a partner to “perfect” status.
Often hyper-dependent, the anxiously attached person can become angry or reactive if upset or unnerved.
Fearful-avoidant attachment
A relationship with afearful-avoidant typecan feel like walking on eggshells.
Individuals with this attachment style oftenwanta relationship but are unconsciously very fearful of being close.
As a result, a tug-of-war dynamic keeps the relationship from being stable, safe, and connected.
Those with a fearful-avoidant style often have low self-esteem and can sometimes have little respect for their partners.
Unpredictability and drama, both internal and external, are the hallmarks of the fearful-avoidant style.
Those with this style often seem to have strong self-esteem and a very independent streak.
However, their hyper-independence and strong defense mechanisms make it difficult to connect on an intimate level.
An attitude of aloof superiority can often be evident in those with a dismissive-avoidant style.
Which attachment styles make a good match?
Well matched is a matter of perspective and personal taste.
