One in six people will experience depression at some point in their life, according to theAmerican Psychiatric Association.
As rates of depression continue to rise worldwide, so, too, do these double-depression relationships.
But it’s possible to have a healthy long-term relationship in these circumstances.
Here’s what two therapists advise on how to cope when both partners have depression in a relationship.
Prioritize self-awareness.
Dating with depression is challenging no matter what.
“When somebody’s depressed, they’re feeling really hopeless.
“It’s a tricky thing.”
Our mental state always has aneffect on our partner, children, and anyone else living in our household.
When you and your partner both have depression, it’s incredibly important for you to have super-clear boundaries.
“Allow each individual within the relationship to own and cope with their battle with depression.”
Remember each person’s battle with depression istheir ownbattle.
Yes, that means, you should avoid taking on your partner’s mental health as your own burden.
But that way lies codependency.
“You want your relationship to be your relationship,” Brateman says.
I’m going to cheer you up.”
Self-care is more important than ever.
Stay vigilant of your own symptoms and warning signs.
“Because the other person isn’t watching this and saying, hey, we need to do something.
They both might be just hiding under the covers,” Brateman says.
“That’s why quicker action is important there.”
Make clarity and transparency house rules.
Depressive episodes tend tocome in waves.
You may be in a low state when your partner is not, or vice versa.
It’s also difficult to see what’s happening with your partner or how you might be affecting them.
The only way to overcome this is to communicate out loud abouteverything.
Guesswork never cuts it in a relationship, but especially not when depression is involved.
Reassure each other that you want to know how the other is feeling.
Long-term couples often forget to ask each other simple questions, like “How are you feeling today?”
Create a system for how you each want to be supported.
Do they want encouragement?
Emphasis on the word “gentle.”
It can be helpful to let your partner know what you see, but you have to tread lightly.
Avoid accusations or shaming.
“you’re free to say, ‘I noticed you’ve been eating less.
Have you noticed that?'”
That shows interest but not blaming."
Don’t venture to “fix” each other.
Do not make a run at tell your partner what to do to fix their depression.
Even if you’re right, it’ll likely backfire.
“Most people don’t really appreciate being told what to do,” Egel says.
Even if they agree with their partner."
Just remember, your loved one is not a project to be fixed.
“They’re not broken,” Brateman says.
“They’re just depressed.”
The same goes for you.
Both of you are worthy of love and amazing, healthy partnershipsdepression and all.
