People throw around the word “insecure” a lot these days, especially when it comes to relationships.
But what does that actually mean?
But continued insecurities, left unaddressed, often begin to weigh on both partners.
They overanalyze every little action and interaction, trying to find evidence that their partner is wavering.
“Our insecurities about our lovability make us think that our partner might abandon us at any point.
This behavior is known asdismissive-avoidant attachment, or avoidant attachment for short.
Thus, an insecure person can be very controlling toward their romantic partners,” Mirpuri explains.
Taking everything personally
Insecure people frequently misinterpret what their partners say or do, says Johnston.
Emotional volatility
Lastly, a big sign that someone is insecure in the relationship is emotional volatility.
While peoplecan be emotional for many reasons, Manly says an insecure person will often display frequent mood swings.
This distinction is important, according to licensed clinical psychologistAvigail Lev, Psy.D.
Our way of approaching relationships as adults, known as ourattachment style, mirrors the dynamics of our childhood.
The threeinsecure attachment stylesinclude the avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, and disorganized attachment.
Are they stemming from their own personal insecurities?
Or is your partner insecure because you’re behaving in ways that make them question your feelings?
Be patient and compassionate with them as they work tobuild a more secure attachmentto you.
Here are a few tips from experts:
Get to the root cause.
Why do you fear the possibility of rejection so strongly?
Do these insecurities stem from your past relationships?
Or, is there something legitimately worrying about your current partner’s behavior?
Address any issues in the relationship.
Sometimes what makes a person feel insecure in a relationship is, in fact, their partner’s behavior.
Be honest that you’re struggling with insecurity and you want to feel more at ease in the relationship.
“Vulnerability goes a long way in relationships and has the potential to heal anxious attachments.
Build trust in your partner.
Start by taking small risks to build trust that they will show up for you, suggests Sagaram.
“Start with low-risk situations, and build from there.”
Notice the signs of security.
This can be especially useful if your relationship insecurities are ultimately tied to insecurities you have about yourself.
Speak your truth.
Both scenarios lead to a better outcome for everyone involved.”
Remember the goal is not just a relationship but ahealthyone.
Getting over someoneis hard, but trust that you will absolutely be able to do it with time.
And eventually, you might absolutely find this jot down of connection again.
FAQ:
What can make you insecure in a relationship?
Is it normal to be insecure in a relationship?
What are some signs of an insecure person?
Do we take them out on our partner with accusations, controlling behavior, and volatility?
Remember: We all deserve to feel secure, loved, and at ease in our relationships.
