In addition to sapping time and energy, this key in of household labor is typically taken for granted.
In other words, women don’t even get acknowledged for doing this work.
I would’ve helped you."
Women don’t just need help with accomplishing each and every chore around the house.
Organizingand planning are full-time jobs that people getpaidto do.
(Ever heard of a project manager?)
Invisible labor is still labor.
Share this article with your partner
Seriously, just shoot him over the link.
Share any articles you find that helpfully explain what the mental load is.
Thisoriginal comic about the mental loaddoes a good job of illustrating the mental load with clear and easy-to-understand examples.
Are you the one responsible for planning weekends or trips?
Delegating all the chores?
Remembering important events and dates, plus what to bring?
Knowing what’s going on in the kids' lives?
So let’s say a husband is going to grocery shop for the family.
You want them to take initiative, not waiting for you to ask them to do things.
And they should justdothese things, without being asked.
I’d rather we look at what needs to be done and decide together how to divide it up.
Then I won’t feel like I’m nagging everyone all the time.
Maybe you do worry too much, but that’s not the point.
There are things around the house that just need to get done.
The more these moments happen, the more she will be able to start worrying less.
Just saying “Stop worrying!”
(Reference the above section on how to explain the mental load to your partner.)
“Any negotiation of housework should incorporate this kind of work too,” Rao says.
You’ll need to continue checking in with each other.
Over time, you’ll be able to sense when the weight is truly equally distributed between you.
(Here’s our fullguide to sharing housework chores equally, including ways to share the mental load.)
That means that part of sharing the mental load also involves change on the part of women.
you oughta be able to trust your partner to get things done.
(Acts of service is one of thefive love languages, FYI!)
Keep checking in.
You’re not going to figure this one out in one conversation.
Learning how to share the mental load will take time, lots of conversations, and lots of adjustments.
It’s worthwhile work for sure, but do verify to be patient with each other.
RELATED STORY:Why Chore Lists Don’t Help Couples Share Housework Equally
