Have you ever wondered why you repeat certain patterns in your relationships?
According to what’s known as attachment theory, it may just come down to your earliest childhood experiences.
Attachment theory.
Two decades later, psychologist Mary Ainsworth expanded the attachment theory with her “strange situation” study.
When intimacy increases, they express avoidant patterns and engage in distancing tactics out of discomfort.
The devaluation is motivated by the need to avoid dependency on intimacy.
How the dismissive-avoidant attachment style develops.
These children learn to turn off their desire to satisfy such needs.
They learned that if they need something, they must obtain it for themselves.
“The forced independence develops as a need to avoid feeling rejection and neglect.
They become over-attuned to themselves and under-attuned to others to get to need them less,” she says.
Common signs of dismissive-avoidant attachment:
A history of short flings.
Casual relationships are low stakes and allow the dismissive-avoidant bang out to feel some intimacy without it being overwhelming.
They prefer connections with little obligations in their romantic life.
“Avoidant adults typically prefer their social connections to remain surface-level only.
Affection blows hot and cold.
The relationship may start off normally.
Nitpicking the relationship.
“People with [dismissive] avoidant attachment don’t simply break up with other people for no reason.
But when their attachment style is triggered, they might feel the need to escape.”
Low tolerance for conflict.
Strong sense of self.
They know who they are, the things they like, and have specific goals in life.
The only thing missing is the ability to form deep and authentic emotional ties with others.
Views vulnerability as a weakness.
“Their low opinion of people creates a general distrust of others,” Macaluso says.
“They are often labeled asnarcissistsbecause they think too well of themselves and too poorly of others.”
Suppression of emotional experiences.
Sims notes dismissive-avoidant people tend to lack awareness of their inner world, emotions, needs, and fears.
Although they have a strongsense of self, they mainly project a false self to the world.
Whenever someone moves to kill the distance, the dismissive avoidant strives to increase the distance.
Minimizes romantic connections.
Dating someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment.
If you recognize these signs in your partner, know there’s hope.
The good news isattachment styles can changethrough generous and present lovewith the self and in relationship with others.
Through conscious effort and practice, anyone can adjust their attachment style and move toward security.
The journey with the self starts with the origin.
This helps them connect to others safely and improves their secure attachment.
Face conflict with grace.
When their attachment style is activated, they’ll want to run away.
Instead, encourage them to stay and discuss it with you so they don’t deny their feelings.
Help them toward positivity.
“Learn positive affirmations and practice repeating them frequently,” Sims advises for the dismissive avoidant.
Know it’s not about you.
To deal with the issues.
Healing attachment injury is hard but not impossible.
If your goal is to have a real connection with someone, you have to let them in.
Macaluso recommends allowing yourself to experience those feelings and being OK with the longing of wanting love.
The takeaway.
You canheal your attachment issuesby letting people in and building healthier habits through sustained and consistent practice.
