This kind of response is called stonewalling.
Stonewalling can have troubling effects on relationships, but experts tell us there are ways to work around it.
What is stonewalling in relationships?
Examples of stonewalling.
The answer is most definitely no."
During this time, understand you won’t be able to get through to them.
“They have shut you out and will not communicate in any way with you,” Herzog says.
Here are a few examples of behavior your partner may exhibit when stonewalling:
Why people stonewall.
According to Pierre, people may stonewall during conflicts as a defense mechanism for self-preservation.
When that occurs, here’s what she says is happening inside your body.
But that’s not the only reason people resort to this behavior.
However, complicated life experiences often makedefensive behaviorshard to avoid.
Why it’s such a problem in relationships.
Herzog saysGottman’s researchindicates that the way partners argue truly matters to the long-term success of their relationship.
Stonewalling doesn’t contribute anything positive.
Instead, it creates an emotional disconnect between you and your partner.
“Understand what your threshold for discomfort is and listen to it,” advises Pierre.
And during this pause, Pierre says to do exactly that.
“There’s no sense in thinking about what you were previously arguing about.
It will only continue to keep your physiological response escalated,” which makes you more upset.
Signal for a timeout.
Take accountability.
Let a therapist help.
Herzog says a couples' therapist can help.
Are you open to going to couples' therapy together?"
I want to do better.
Would you see a therapist with me so we can learn?"
Show each other grace.
Finally, show yourself and your partner grace.
What to do when someone is stonewalling you.
When you’re ready to reengage, leading with empathy is the ideal approach.
The bottom line.
Stonewalling is a behavior that can greatly contribute to the end of a relationship when left unchecked.
