At that moment, you say, Ihave a question, actually.
Im not a mind-reader.
If these scenarios seem familiar, you better work on your nunchi.
Nunchi is a Korean word that literally translated means eye-measure.
In Korea, nunchi is woven into daily life.
Koreans have a saying: Half of social life is nunchi.
In the modern world at large, the time for nunchi is long overdue.
Smartphones just exacerbate the problem, providing an addictive excuse for ignoring everyone.
The cure is nunchi.
You may not think of a room as a single living, breathing organism, but it is.
Koreans talk of a room as having aboonwigithe rooms atmosphere or wellness level, so to speak.
Everyone is a contributing member of this boonwigi just by being there.
Act with no nunchi, and you ruin the boonwigi for the whole room.
The minor adjustment of plugging your five sensesand yourgutinto a room has an instantly grounding, harmonizing effect.
All you need are your eyes and your ears.
And, this cheat sheet cant hurt.
The 8 rules of nunchi
First, empty your mind.
Step back, breathe, and remember that prejudice prevents you from learning anything about people.
Remember the Nunchi Observer Effect.
When you enter a room, you change the room.
Be aware of your influence.
Your presence is already changing the environment without you saying a word.
No need for a dog and pony show unless everyone seems to have dogs and ponies.
Its much more jarring than you think, even if the joke is funny.
Watch the room.
If youre the one who just entered the room, everyone else has been there longer than you.
Watch them to gain information about the room.
If everyone looks sad, dont give a shot to cheer everyone up until you have more data.
If you dont pick up on this tension, you may miss something.
Is the food not yet out on the table?
Never pass on a good opportunity to shut up.
Manners exist for a reason.
Dont dismiss them as hoity-toity; theyre in place to make people feel comfortable.
If you take the wrong bread plate it means someone else doesn’t have one.
Read between the lines.
People dont always say what they’re thinking, and thats their prerogative.
That initial greeting matters a lot.
Dont assume that everyone does exactly what you and your friends do.
The minute you forget that is the minute someone stops wanting to get to know you.
People who do this: Why?
Many people are not comfortable hugging.
When meetinganyonefor the first time, watch them to see how they expected to be greeted.
If you cause harm unintentionally, its sometimes as bad as if you caused it intentionally.
Intent is not impact, as the saying goes.
attempt to create roundness, not jagged edges.
This is true for things both big and small.
Lets say you are not good at knowing when a host secretly wants you to leave.
Your host says, Id love for you to stay for dinner but I dont have enough lamb.
If you say, Oh its ok, Im a vegetarian anyway, ugh.
Be nimble, be quick.
Gather data quickly, process quickly, adapt quickly.
The room you entered 10 minutes ago is not the same room that you are in now.
Everything is in flux.
Remember: Survival of the fittest doesnt mean survival of the strongest.
It means survival of the most adaptable.
Intent is not impact, as they say.
Deliberate or not, the ick from someone nunchi-deficient yields the same result.
For such people, life is a mystery.
But it doesnt have to be a mystery.
