What is limerence?
Limerence is a mental state of profound romantic infatuation, deep obsession, and fantastical longing.
The experience can range from euphoria to despair.
“It refers to the exciting feelings you get when you first meet someone.
During this time we often just wantmoreof that personmore time, more affection, etc.
It’s an intense emotional arousal that leaves us craving for another person.
Often people refer to this feeling aslove at first sight.”
At first glance, limerence doesn’t sound all that different fromfalling in love.
In fact, it doesn’t sound negative atallto be that wowed by someone and adore them wholeheartedly.
Couples' therapistSilva Depanian, LMFT,says limerence is often confused with love.
But limerence and love are not the same thing.
Love vs. limerence.
But while limerence is short-lived and conditional,real loveis fluid and unconditional.
When you really love someone, you want them to be happy despite what they can give you.
The initial attraction develops over time and eventually reinforces into something substantial and lasting.
If you’re still unsure whether you’re in this dynamic, consider it from this angle.
Depanian explains that love stabilizes with partners bonding through mutual connection, interests, empathy, and shared experiences.
Conversely, limerence is marked by intensity and then rapid destabilization.
Signs of limerence.
Do you find yourself creating a lot of meaning out of fleeting, seemingly inconsequential moments to ruminate over?
If so, it’s a sign that you’re experiencing limerence and off-track, Depanian says.
Relationships are strung together through a collection of all types of moments.
They aren’t always rosy, but connections permeated with trueemotional connectionfeel sturdy and multidimensional in their variation.
Your friends complain that they don’t see you as much, and they miss you.
You haven’t picked up your hobbies or passions in weeks in favor of whatever they have going on.
Real life just feels like a distractionwasted liminal time until you’re back in their arms.
You may find yourself overstepping personal boundaries if the person you like expresses boundaries or distance from you.
You’re seeking their validation desperately
You tend to interpret their behaviors in all-or-nothing thinking.
You’re excessively aware of reciprocation on their part and hungry for their approval about you and the relationship.
It just means that you’re accessing a new part of yourself that they’re bringing forward in you.
“This is the limerence phase,” she says.
This influence is so strong that it’s easy to overlook red flags during this time."
They feel too extraordinary to lose, and there doesn’t seem to be anything bad about them.
However, with limerence, the next stage is known as thecrystallization phase.
Red flags are transformed into green flags as you rationalize away any negative behavior.
There’s still a strong desire to keep the honeymoon period alive during this stage.
“This is where partners nurture a relationship that feels safe and equitable,” Boquin notes.
This is the phase of love that feels most steady and predictablethe opposite of the limerence phase."
When it reaches this phase for limerence, it’s instead called thedeterioration phase.
Instead of the relationship strengthening, it’s falling apart.
It usually ends with crushing disappointment and frustration.
When it becomes unhealthy.
Limerence doesn’t have to be an inherently unhealthy experience.
In fact, it can even be normal unless it becomes all-consuming.
“When limerence becomes too obsessive, it may result in stalking behaviors toward the individual.”
“You could benefit from trying to discover the reasons behind your intense attachment to them.
give a shot to understand what exactly they represent for you.
Can limerence ever turn into love?
Limerence has similar origins to love, according to both Boquin and Depanian.
“Limerence brings us together and presents an opportunity to develop into love.
“Love is a risk.
It won’t just happen.”
The key is to give yourself the same validation and meaning you’re seeking in the other.
The bottom line.
Deep loveis quietly intimate, and it comes with equal parts beauty and terror.
It’s scary to take a leap of faith, but you both deserve to be seen entirely.
Don’t settle for anything else.
