Walking away from life as I knew it was never something I’d envisioned.
And shockingly, my divorce, more than my marriage, taught me about love.
Here are some of those lessons:
Loveshouldbe conditional.
The term conditional love has a bad rap because it implies selfishness.
But if were not taking care of ourselves, how can we take care of anyone else?
You wouldnt sign a contract that said, I agree to do X,Y, and Z.
But if I dont want to, you still have to hold up your end of the bargain.
So we cant rightfully expect that out of our relationships.
I had stopped caring about my body the way I had when I met my husband.
He’d stopped pursuing his passion.
you’ve got the option to love someone and not be right for them.
My ex-husband and I always loved each other.
We took care of each other, made memories together, and brought a child into the world.
But our careers stalled.
Our healthy habits were challenging, if not impossible to maintain.
Conversations would escalate into frustration too quickly.
We just didnt get one another.
We couldnt grow together as individuals or as a couple.
Within weeks of separating, we were both happier, healthier, and pursuing our passions again.
I found a new identity through CrossFit and dropped excess weight that hadnt budged, despite past efforts.
My ex-husband finally found a career he was excited about after years of trying various opportunities.
Love stories end.
And that’s OK.
Sometimes, you look at someone over a cup of coffee and quietly realize that chapter has closed.
We were simply done with that chapter, but not with each other.
We were kids when we got together and will always share a history.
you could fall in love with your best friend and then, one day, stop.
I married the guy I wouldve liked to have grabbed a beer with or gone for ice cream with.
He was my friend.
But I never fell head over heels and discounted that as being impossible in adult life.
But head over heelsispossible.
Falling in love with your best friend is magical, when youre actually falling in love.
But butterflies matter, as does the absence of them.
But they werent there.
Instead of marrying someone I was crazy about, I had married someone I was comfortable with.
You are ultimately the love of your life.
The childhood sweethearts are alone.
The head-over-heel-ers are alone.
Because no one, no matter how stable or perfect, owes us their presence in our life.
Love after love is tricky.
There is notimeline for moving onafter one love story has ended.
Sometimes the next love story begins immediately, and sometimes it takes decades.Healing after a divorcelooks different for everyone.
I remember after getting married, the most asked question was when I would have a baby.
When I had a baby, the next question was when I would have another baby.
No one asks you anything after divorce; they tell you.
They tell you that you’re ready, youre not ready, youre repeating the same patterns.
Its as if because youve failed once, you need a beginners guide to relationships.
Focus on the kind of life you want, not the kind of love you want.
But love is the great phoenix; whenever you need it, or seek it, its yours.
Love then turns into the problem, not the solution.
