Have you ever had strong feelings for someone who didn’t feel the same way about you?
That wistful, heartbreaking experience is sometimes called unrequited lovebut is it the same asreallove?
What is unrequited love?
The wordrequiteliterally meansto returnorto repay.
Of course, unrequited love does happen in real life as well.
The lack of reciprocity may also feel like rejection or condemnation of their worth.
“Although unrequited love gets a bad rap, it can actually be thrilling and addictive.
It makes for a very complex experience.
Examples of unrequited love:
Signs of unrequited love.
They make themselves romantically available for others but not for you.
That’s probably not a good sign, says Cullins.
Your efforts feel unbalanced in the relationship.
A person who likes you will put active effort into building a connection with you.
If therelationship is more one-sided, it may be because the other person’s feelings just aren’t there.
Is unrequited love really love?
“Languishing in a state of unrequited love makes for high drama in literature and movies.
But unrequited love isn’t love,” Munoz says.
So in some ways, unrequited love may be closer toinfatuationthanreal lovein most situations.
When we feel incomplete, it’s tempting to fall for an idealized ‘other.’
What causes unrequited love?
Instead, we come to view another person as our holy grail.”
Real love involves risk, vulnerability, and courage.
Is unrequited love bad?
While unrequited love can hurt quite badly, the experience itself is not inherently unhealthy or bad.
After all, people can’t control the way they feel or how much they like someone.
“Unrequited love isn’t bad,” Munoz says.
All that said, there are certainly healthier ways to experience love that isn’t returned.
It’s possible to love someone and simply not be concerned with whether they love you back.
How to deal with unrequited love.
Can you love this person without asking anything from them in returnand truly be OK with that?
To do this, Cullins recommends resetting your boundaries with this person.
In the meantime, find positive ways to occupy your time, she suggests.
The bottom line.
What habits or beliefs are allowing you to find yourself in this situation time and time again?
What do you gainor get to hide fromby choosing to chase unavailable people?
