A gaslighter makes you question your version of realitymaking you vulnerable to more abuse.
Sometimes, it can even seem impossible.
How do gaslighters keep their victims in tow?
They do apologizebut those apologies are conditional.
Gaslighters are masters of the “conditional apology.”
You know, when someone says, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
That’s not an apology; the other person is not taking responsibility for his behavior.
He’s simply manipulating you into feeling seen by acknowledging your feelings.
Gaslighters will only apologize if they are trying to get something out of you.
They use blatant attempts to curry favor.
Gaslighters are also masters at buttering people up.
They will use false flattery to get what they want from you.
As soon as you fulfill their needs, they’ll drop their mask of niceness.
If the friendliness seems forced or phony, beware.
They use your weaknesses against you.
This is a normal, natural, healthy part of developing a close relationship.
However, notice that the gaslighter rarely reveals as much intimate information about himself.
Meanwhile, the information you share will soon be getting used against you in fightsit becomes psychological ammunition.
Your sister can’t stand you, either.
You treat her the same way you treat me."
They almost always associate with people who fawn over them.
Friends who would confront gaslighters about their behavior have no place in the gaslighters' life.
The second gaslighters feel that you no longer admire and cater to them, they will drop you.
They cause fear in others.
This is especially common in the children of gaslighters.
Punishment doesn’t affect them.
They also don’t value rewards in the way other people do.
They practice “cognitive empathy.”
Their reactions seem flat or prerecordedthere is no real emotion behind their words.
Gaslighters are experts at using “cognitive empathy"acting as if they have empathy without actually feeling it.
Loyalty is requiredbut not reciprocal.
Gaslighters require complete and unrealistic loyaltybut don’t expect loyalty from them.
They are notorious for their compulsive infidelity.
Gaslighters do whatever they want to you, but God help you if they think you’ve betrayed them.
They will make your life a living hell.
They avoid admitting problems they’ve caused.
For example, gaslighters will put their co-workers at risk by not following workplace safety guidelines.
Remember, gaslighting is different from simple manipulation.
What’s the difference between someone who manipulates for a particular benefit and a gaslighter?
It’s a fine line.
Gaslighters manipulate others not just situationally but as a way of life.
Why do gaslighters behave this way?
There is a debate regarding “nature vs.
Many gaslighters havenarcissistic injurya perceived threat to their self-worth or self-esteem.
They then react with narcissistic rage.
This rage isn’t always loudit can be quiet and just as dangerous.
Why have you lived with this?
So, what can you do?
If something doesn’t feel right about a relationship or person, trust that instinct.
If needed, seek the help of a mental health professional.
There are ways to decrease a gaslighter’s influence in your life.
Many of these will boil down to one thing: Get as far away as possible.
Because gaslighters are so slippery and manipulative, your best bet is to cut off all contact.
If you’re able to’t completely cut off contact, drastically reduce it.
Also, never let them see you sweat.
Gaslighters' payoff is knowing they’ve upset you.
If you don’t react or act bored, they will usually leave you alone.
They’ll come back for revenge.
This is a tricky game to play.
And at what cost to you?
You don’t want to start acting like a gaslighter, no matter how strong the temptation.
Finally, know that confronting a gaslighter almost never works.
The best option is to leave and cut off all communication with the gaslightergo “radio silence.”
Be prepared for them to try everything in their power to get you back into their clutches.
Keep up no contact.
Things will never get better with a gaslighteronly worse.
