One of my friends from college has a new boyfriend every two months.
I am not exaggerating here.
She is never single for long.
She says people are jealous that she always moves on so quickly.
Now, this is probably true for some women.
It’s not easy for every woman to have a new partner lined up in a hot second.
Though it sure is easier when your standards are nonexistent.
It’s because if a guy wants to date her, she’s down.
She will always do it, no matter what.
If they want a girlfriend, she is down.
Her criteria is as follows:Do you want a girlfriend?
But serial monogamy keeps you from finding real love.
Serial monogamy is a half-assed way to find love.
It means you have poor taste.
It means you’re looking to find someone to complete you, when what you need isto complete yourself.
Keep in mind, I’ve done both the single thing and the serial dating thing.
I dated a bunch of jerks, one great girl, and some more jerks.
And, weirdly, whole.
Then, I spent more time alone.
After that, my husband came along.
All that time I was whole.
I was growing, but I was whole.
All of this taught me everything I know about finding true love.
When you are regularly looking for someone new, you don’t learn.
You stay busy to avoid doing the work internally.
you could’t stay out of relationships long enough to learn from past mistakes.
The myth of “I just can’t stay single.”
It’s hard to tell when someone is being truthful when they say they can’t stay single.
The latter of which leads to the poor relationships.
My friend with all the under-accomplished boyfriends?
She’s option B.
Look at your life.
Look at your choices.
And you should probably spend at least a few of your adult years 100% single.
If you have never done that, you are also option B.
You don’t hop from relationship to relationship because you “just can’t seem to stay single.”
You hop from relationship to relationship because you don’t knowhowto be single.
You keep looking for love because you don’t want to face the reality that is being alone.
It scares you, and understandably so.
You aren’t being picky enough.
You’re not trying to be single.
You’re not doing any of that good old soul-searching.
You’re jumping into talks with the next person who shows up.
It’s a patterna pattern that needs to be broken stat.
You don’t have to date every single person who wants to date you.
You shouldn’t need that kind of validation.
Learn how to say no and wait for something that is truly worth your time.
I’d make it a rule of life.
Adapted fromAll the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Lifeby Gigi Engle.
Copyright 2020 by the author and reprinted by permission of St. Martin’s Publishing Group.
