My partner wants to merge our finances, and it makes me very anxious.
How do we approach this conversation, and how do I protect myself?
“Money tends to be banking, and banking is legal,” she says.
But, before we get into that: “Why wouldn’t you want to?
Why are you hesitant?”
“Money is the biggest trust issue.
People think it’s sex, but it really is money.
Money is intimate; it tiesinto our hopes and dreams and wishes and desires.”
For the latter, “Do you not trust them, or rather, not trust their spending?
Have they shown behaviors in the past that show they might not be great with money?
“You could just have different spending values.
The former, well, that’s a bit more self-awareness.
“You might be bringing in the trust issues coming from your past.
For example, did a parent leave your family with a financial burden?
Experiences like that can, of course, make you wary about merging finances later on.
First up: the conversation.
When you are with someone, and discussing finances, it should be ongoing.
From there, how and in what capacity to merge finances is highly individual.
Not only is it entirely dependent on your comfort level, but there are also legal factors at play.
“It varies by state, but let’s say you get married but choose to remain financially independent.
“So if that’s something that concerns you: Get a prenup.”
Because if it’s the latter, there might be financial reasons not to merge.”
So, hypothetical: What if the discussions have been going poorly?
Can you come back from that?
“But it takes forgiveness, understanding, may take mediation.
“You’re partners: There should be full disclosure on everything health and wealth.”
