Your date from last weekend still hasn’t texted you back about hanging out again.
A promising new lead at work suddenly stopped responding after you shared your rates.
It comes in many different forms, but the experience of being ghosted is universal.
And most of us would probably agree: ghosting sucks.
What is ghosting?
“All of this is ghosting behavior.”
Many relationship experts discourage ghosting because of the way it affects the person being ghosted.
That guessing is the specter that looms in people’s lives after a disappearance," Battle tells mbg.
13 examples of ghosting:
How the term became popularized.
The phenomenon of ghosting has likely been around since the dawn of time.
(He often never did.)
Merriam-Websteradded it to the dictionaryin 2017.
Dating apps were also just beginning to enter into the cultural mainstream, with Tinder launching in 2012.
And more starts with less follow-through (and less care) unfortunately means more ghosting.
Why do people ghost?
It’s selfish,passive-aggressive behaviorthat is grounded, as Manly notes, in dismissiveness and avoidance.
They got too busy or stressed.
The other most common reason for ghosting?
They just have a lot going on in their own life.
“Everything isn’t always about us, so we can’t panic right away.”
They’re worried about hurting the other person’s feelings.
They’re uncomfortable with hard conversations.
“And so having those types of conversations involves vulnerability.”
“Most people experience some amount of guilt for ghosting.”
She adds, “I have coached people on how to communicate more directly rather than ghost.
Most of the time it feels harder initially, but much better afterward compared to ghosting.
I’ve even had cases where the other person has thanked my client for not ghosting them!”
It’s a power play.
It can also just be an attempt to feel powerful, at another person’s expense.
They’re concerned for their own safety.
FAQs
How long does it take before it’s ghosting?
If they stop communicating with you completely without a word despite your follow-ups, it’s ghosting.
If it’s a longer relationship, it ranges up to a month," says Douglas.
“It truly depends on the circumstances around what was occurring before the ghosting occurred.
Do people ever come back after ghosting?
Yes, people can sometimes come back after ghosting.
Should I reach out to the person who ghosted me?
“Starting from a place of honesty and vulnerability could help reanimate a previously ghosted connection.”
Is ghosting abuse?
“Ghosting can certainly be emotionally abusive in nature,” Manly says.
Is ghosting ever OK?
How to respond to ghosting.
If you’re not interested in this person anymore, just leave it be and move on.
If they’re not interested, this will be their opportunity to let you know.
And if they don’t respond againwell, that’s them letting you know they’re truly done.
The takeaway.
When in doubt, talk it out.
If you don’t hear from them, it’s time to move on.
In fact, getting ghosted says essentially nothing about you.
And if you’re the one doing the ghosting?
Unless there are safety concerns at play, yo know there are muchbetter ways to reject people.
Be brave, be kind, and be upfront.
