Do you ever feel like you find it particularly hard to forgive others for making mistakes?
It’s an internal state of being, and it’s not dependent on anyone but you.
So if you want to understand why you struggle to forgive people, you oughta start by looking within.
Where our high standards come from.
But I never saw models on how to forgive myself.
I wasn’t a perfectionist, but I had a loud, harsh internal critic.
My sense of self sprung from a deep well ofnot good enough, regardless of external achievements.
I wanted to be liked.
I tended to argue for being “right,” and I held onto that like a life raft.
Somehow, I missed the memo that always being right does not make people like you.
Treating others with compassion and acceptance starts with being able to treat yourself that way first.
A thread that we don’t even recognize.
And this gets in the way of practicing forgiveness to others.
We need self-compassion before we’re able tosustainbeing compassionate toward others.
Whynotforgiving backfires.
The opposite of forgiveness is also complexit’s a mixture of anger, depression, and blame.
But most of all, the opposite of forgiveness isstagnation.
It’s gettingmired in an emotional placeregarding a particular incident, and it prohibits future growth and discovery.
And more importantly, forgiveness (or the lack of) has the greatest impact on only one personyou.
When we think about this in terms of self-forgiveness, we’re both the perpetrator and the victim.
From both perspectives, we’re creating a situation in which we’re causing harm to ourselves.
How to practice acceptance.
Want to not be so quick to judge other people?
Start with taking time to recognize the ways in which you judge yourself.
Instead, I’d invite you tostay in the present.
Work on catching yourself when you find yourself sucked into a spiral of self-denigration or worry.
As we stay in the present, we can learn from the situation.
Consider this: A person’s worth is not attached to outcome.
It’s not something you have to earn or to prove.
We are all human.
We are all imperfect.
We are all worthy.
