These 12 principles can help you learn how to sustain a loving relationship.
Mastery requires dedication to practice, even when you dont feel like practicing.
Relationships dont make you happy.
Your inner state determines your dominant emotional state in the relationship, not the other way around.
Youmustmake becoming happy on your own a priority through yoga, therapy, meditation, gardening, whatever.
Only then will you be able to find happiness in the relationship.
Your partner cannot change their behaviors for you.
They must do it on their own.
This only means they’ve become more aware of the problem.
True change takes time usually much longer than they think.
Everyoneis a work in progress.
No one is perfect.
They have challenges and issues too probably ones you cant even fathom.
Your truth is not necessarily the truth.
Individual truth is fluid, so expect it to change based on experience.
The same goes for your significant other.
Nothing will cause backlash anddefensivenessfaster than invalidating another persons experience.
You must be relentlessly self-referring.
Maybe something in you triggered your anger.
Maybe your expectations were too high?
These are common relationship blind spots that we all fall victim to from time to time.
Your attention is like fertilizer.
Place it only on what you want to see grow.
Its easy to be negative or condescending.
The misery savior doesnt exist.
There is no rescuer coming to lift you out of your distress.
The power to be happy is within each of us.
Either way, you are inevitably responsible for your own happiness.
Change is a constant, so dont keep the past on life support.
We all need room to change, grow, and evolve.
Your ideal relationship will be unique to you.
Love may not look how you imagined.
You may not be married by the time youre in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s.
You maynot have children.
And all of that is OK.
Accept that where you are now is where you should be and stay committed to growth.
The movies are wrong.
There isnoperson who completes you who is capable of transforming you into a permanently happy person.
Whats required is a space for you to explore and express yourself as authentically as possible.
The best indication of the future is the past.
Review the second principle, and adjust your expectations accordingly.
You must give what you want to receive.
If you want love, you must be more loving.
If you want understanding, you must be understanding.
Thats the proper sequence giving first, then being open to receiving.
But remember: You must give without expecting anything in return.
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