The alarm bells in my head blared, and I ran away.
That was a close escape.
But we need to talk about a more dangerous breedthe spiritual narcissist.
I work for a charity."
They say forewarned is forearmed.
I couldn’t agree more.
I wish someone had told me the signs someone is a spiritual narcissist.
Here are the things you should be on your guard for:
1.
He justifies harmful behavior (toward self and others) with “spiritual” explanations.
“You’re a snob.
Robert’s a shaman.
He heals,” my ex shouted at me.
It was so absurd that I laughed, which got him angrier.
He was talking about his cocaine dealer.
I get that certain substances are rites of passage in some cultures; they can elevate one’s consciousness.
And yet, these behaviors are rampant in certain spiritual communities.
My friend executive coach and clinical psychologistDr.
We want our teachers to be special.
We want to trust them.
An extreme case, no doubt, but telling.
He has an attitude of superiority.
He saw himself as consistently more spiritual than anyone else, to the point of absurdity.
He’d call me unspiritual for watchingSuits.
In both cases, their mentality is one of austerity, control, and fear.
Fiorella says that some spiritual extremists have “gone from snorting cocaine to snorting snobbery.”
One thing’s for sure thoughthis says more about them than it does about you.
We don’t shine more brightly by dimming someone else’s light.
Stand in your power and declare that this is not your story.
He flips between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
I remember the night he insisted on paying the bill for our table of five.
The next day, I woke up eager to face my Lunar New Year.
He immediately started shouting at me to pay him back, that it was my fault he was broke.
In front of our friends, he presented himself as charming and generous.
When I asserted myself, he’d say I was unspiritual for not acknowledging the good stuff.
I didn’t know how to broach the subject to anyone.
To them, he was a nice man, a spiritual man.
You see,the narcissistneeds to project an idealized version of himself to escape his broken, insecure self.
But that mask ultimately crumbles.
No one can play a role forever.
And this is the person you see behind closed doors.
Don’t let yourself be sucked back in by the crumbs of kindness he throws at you.
He uses spiritual jargon to intimidate people.
I squirmed as he forced his spiritual views down strangers' throats.
Later on, my friends disclosed how he’d brag about his spirituality to them.
He was just “finding [his] path.”
He is the master of double standards.
“Look, I signed up for this retreat,” he’d brag.
“What are you doing with your life?”
On one hand, he accused me of not letting go of my ego.
Spirituality doesn’t mean we kill our ego.
It is a part of us.
Instead, we acknowledge its presence and learn when not to listen to it.
He justifies internal issues with external factors.
Often, he’d declare that he was part of The Force.
Yes, I’m talking aboutStar Wars.
And said he was a beacon of spirituality.
He said that my work as a therapist, operating within the capitalist system, was fundamentally unspiritual.
So, continue being the solution.
Detox your life of debris and sediment.
It doesn’t matter if this narcissist is your lover, friend, or teacher.
Wearing saffron robes doesn’t make you a good person.
I first met my narcissist when I was an impressionable 21-year-old.
He said all the right things.
So I made excuses for him.
If there is a spiritual narcissist in your life, think about the context in which you met him.
You’ve never had anyone listen to you this way before."
We must forgive ourselves for this.
