When it comes to what women want in bed, women are actually not that complicated.
Women are not even that different from men.
Men’s and women’s sexual arousal, desire, and pleasure work in essentially the same way.
Where men and women differ a little is inwhatactivates the accelerator and what hits the brakes.
The trick is that pleasure is situation-specific.
It’s the same sensation (tickling), but a different perception.
And that’s normal.
For most of us, that means a context of low stress and high affection.
Create a great, pleasure-inducing context and just about any sensation can be perceived as pleasurable.
A master.
Or both…at the same time!
In the research, it’s called “Love/Emotional Bonding Cues.”
In romance novels, it’s more heteronormatively called The Hero.
He protects her, feeds her, prioritizes her pleasure above his.
Who wouldn’t want that?
Somebody to just remove all those stressors that hit the brakes?
Who removes all the responsibility you carry around with you all day, every day?
To be passionately courted.
In romance novelsand in the researchthe hero wants the heroine with a laser-focus.
He doesn’t just want sex; he wants her and only her.
He sees what’s extraordinary about her.
He worships her body completely.
He understands her as no one else does.
This “understanding your needs and desires” thing is complicated, right?
Confidenceour own and our partner’s.
Confidence comes from knowing what’s true about your body andwhat turns you on.
That comes from education and from practice.
Neither person is “right” or “wrong”; we’re just all different.
Your partner’s confidence is just as important as your own.
You may even hide your desires.
That’s why the last thing women want is:
Joy.
Joy is loving what’s true about our bodies and our sexualities.
- Sometimes that’s easy; sometimes it’s not.
Your partner really wants you to be joyful about their body, too.)
The bottom line.
Women aren’t that complicated.
These are just universal human desires.
