The person doesnt seem to care about anyone elses needs but their own.
What is the narcissistic relationship pattern?
Although all relationships look different, narcissistic relationship patterns tend to be unhealthy and unbalanced.
And once someone no longer serves a purpose to them, they will often denigrate or discard them.
Narcissists can also be highly charismatic, which can make it easy to fall for themboth romantically and platonically.
One of the defining characteristics of narcissism is the inability to have genuine empathy for people.
They are hyper-sensitive to criticism (and react poorly to it).
They may even engage in personal attacks to deflect away the criticism.
Other narcissists may victimize themselves to elicit sympathy and validation, she adds.
They tend to get angry easily or have extreme emotions.
They constantly criticize you or become accusatory out of nowhere.
For example, they might accuse someone of being selfish or inconsiderate when they themselves are acting that way.
They seem magnetic and charming, but are also manipulative.
They might engage in flattering conversation, maintain strong eye contact, or tell engaging stories, Raja says.
They violate your boundaries.
They might make unreasonable demands, invade their partner’s privacy, or pressure them into uncomfortable situations.
They isolate you from your family, friends, and support systems.
Conflict is heated and they arent open to compromise.
Healthyconflict managementis key in relationships, but with narcissists, it can be a major challenge.
This can lead to conflicts that escalate, rather than being resolved through healthy communication and negotiation.
They seem cold or emotionally unavailable.
Vulnerability in relationshipsisnt always easy, but for narcissists, emotional availability can seem shaky or nonexistent altogether.
Narcissists often struggle to provide the emotional support and empathy their partners need.
This lack of emotional reciprocity can leave the partner feeling lonely and unfulfilled in the relationship.
The relationship feels confusing, unstable, or untrustworthy.
You may also experiencegaslighting, a psychological manipulation tactic that makes you question or doubt your reality.
Dealing with a narcissist can also be downright draining.
However, the flip-flopping between love bombing and manipulation can be destabilizing.
This feeling of this person being a total stranger can be extremely unnerving, she says.
It makes people question whether the entire relationship was a fraud.
Post-separation abuse can be equally, if not more, difficult to manage, she says.
Many of my former patients will say they feel like a shell over their former selves.
They feel as their identity has been slowly stripped over the years.
On average, it takes approximately seven times to leave for good, Zuckerman says.
It is a process…and a difficult one.
If you decide to go this route, she recommends having a safety plan in place beforehand.
Get your affairs to develop an exit strategy, she says.
(Heres ourfull guide to leaving an abusive relationship.)
She also recommends going no-contact with the narcissistic partner, especially if their behavior toward you has been abusive.
(We have aguide to co-parenting with a narcissist, too.)
However, you are not to blame, and this persons behavior is not a sign of your worth.
None of this is your fault!
Take a deep breath and know that there is a way forward.
Take some time to reflect and re-establish self-trust.
“Rebuildingtrust in your own intuitionand judgment is essential after experiencing gaslighting or manipulation, Raja says.
This can give you a sense of self-confidence and remind you that youre capable of healing.
Re-establish your boundaries.
Getting comfortable asserting boundaries after a narcissistic relationship can take a while, so be patient with yourself.
Build up your support system.
When healing from a narcissistic relationship pattern, its important to find trustworthy people who can help.
Isolation from friends and family can be a lasting impact of a narcissistic relationship, Raja tells mbg.
Forging new connections can help counteractfeelings of lonelinessand provide a sense of belonging and emotional support.
This can help counteract the lingering effects of gaslighting and rebuild trust in your judgment, she says.
Start practicing healthy communication skills.
Over time, you may have conditioned yourself to speak up less to keep your partner happy and stable.
But to effectively move forward, self-expression is crucial.
Develop your assertiveness skills to communicate your needs and boundaries more effectively, Raja recommends.
Seek the support of a therapist.
Having the support of a therapist can help.
Be patient with the process.
Recovery from narcissistic abuse can be a complex and lengthy journey, Raja says.
Remember that healing is an individual and nonlinear process.
Do NOT attempt to defend their character assassination of you.
This is what they want, Zuckerman says.
Your safety is paramount.
FAQ
What are the red flags of a narcissist?
What is a narcissistic relationship abuse pattern?
The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard.
Breaking the abuse cycle involves identifying the very predictable blueprint of their behaviors, Zuckerman says.
If youre feeling discouraged about the future, Raja says there is hope.
Reflecting on your experiences in a narcissistic relationship can provide valuable insights for future relationships, Raja says.
You deserve to feel safe, cared for, and loved.
