Here’s everything you better know about the four attachment styles.
Plus, how to find your own attachment style.
Why are some people very aloof and unattached in their relationships, while others are clingy and need constantvalidation?
According to attachment theory, it’s becausedifferent people have different attachment styles.
What is an attachment style?
Anattachment styleis a specific pattern of behavior in and around relationships.
They’re able to depend on others without becoming totally dependent.
Secure attachment is considered the healthy ideal for relationships.
All other attachment styles that are not secure are known asinsecure attachment styles.
Some 19% of adults have the anxious attachment throw in, according to Hazan and Shaver’s research.
In relationships, avoidant people typically maintain some distance from their partners or are largelyemotionally unavailable.
They may even find relationshipssuffocatingand avoid them completely, preferring to be independent and rely on themselves.
Avoidant attachment is also known asdismissive-avoidant attachment, and it generally aligns with theanxious-avoidant attachment styleobserved among children.
Some 25% of adults have the avoidant attachment jot down, according to Hazan and Shaver.
People with fearful-avoidant attachment both desperately crave affectionandwant to avoid it at all costs.
In general, the fearful-avoidant attachment style is relatively rare and not well-researched.
The number you picked here corresponds with your attachment style in the list up there.
The two more detailed quizzes below can tell you if this may be your attachment pop in.)
It’s also possible to have a different attachment style in different situations, according to Mancao.
“For many people, their attachment style is not the same in every relationship they encounter.
“Be aware of your childhood history; the familiarity is comforting, whether it was good or bad.
Meaning, your past unhealthy relationship patterns from childhood can recreate in adulthood.”
“Learn to embrace, value, love, and care for yourself first,” she recommends.
(Here’s more onlearning to love yourself, plushow to raise your self-esteem after a breakupspecifically.)
So it’s important to figure out how to make yourself feel more secure in your relationships.
Part of that involves being aware of what your needs and desires are in relationships.
“Learn to be assertive and set boundaries.
“Securely attached people are often direct and appropriately confrontational to create a healthy and meaningful relationship.”
FAQ
What are the 4 attachment styles?
The four attachment styles are secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant (also known as disorganized).
The latter three are all considered types of insecure attachment.
What is the most common attachment style?
The most common attachment style is secure.
Foundational attachment research from the 1980s found approximately 56% of adults have a secure attachment style.
What is the rarest attachment style?
What is the unhealthiest attachment style?
Secure attachment often considered the healthy ideal to aspire toward in relationships.
Are avoidants insecure?
What attachment style is clingy?
Can your attachment style change?
“Yes, it is possible for a person to change their attachment style,” Mancao says.
British psychoanalyst John Bowlbydeveloped the concept of attachment behaviorsaround the 1950s.
(See above graphic.)
At some point, the mothers would get up and leave the room without their child.
After a while, they’d return.
Here are some of the patterns they observed:
