If you’re pretty sure you don’t want to get married, you’re certainly not alone.
Marriage rateshave declinedover the years as fewer and fewer people are opting to get married.
More people are saying they never want to get married.
Years ago, getting married and having children was the expectation.
And 69% of all adults say cohabitation is just fine with or without plans to get married.
Reasons some people don’t want to get married.
Some people are generally more career-oriented.
Bad experiences with marriage in the past.
Relationships can be hard work.
For some, the lack of success in long-term relationships can make committing to someone for life unappealing.
For those who have trouble sustaining healthy relationships, legally binding yourself to another can be scary.
Refusal to get married again.
A preference for nonmonogamy.
But there is a rise in the acceptance and practice of nonmonogamous relationships, from polyamory to open relationships.
You view marriage as a patriarchal institution.
In marriage, women went from being the property of her father to the property of her husband.
For some people, this complicated history makes marriage unappealing.
Marrying your partner is not legal where you live.
Same-sex marriage continues to be illegal in many places across the world.
According to Pew, just 30 out of 195 countries havepassed laws allowing same-sex marriage.
Financial reasons.
Weddings are expensive, and so is divorce.
Some people simply cannot afford the great financial risk that’s involved in getting married.
Divorce rates.
You don’t need marriage to legitimize your relationship.
Previously, legal matrimony was seen as the only way to commit your life to another person.
You feel marriage comes with too many rules and expectations.
There are expectations that come with marriage that may push people to not want to get married.
You’re just not that interested in relationships.
Somearomantic or asexualpeople may be inherently uninterested in relationships in general.
Other people might simply have the desire to expend energy on other things.
So we should also be able to accept that not everyone values the outcome in the same way!
You enjoy more casual relationships.
Sometimes marriage isn’t even on the radar because there’s no desire to be in a committed relationship.
For some, this is hard to understand.
Some people are open to marriage but don’t actively seek it.
But otherwise, marriage isn’t a personal goal or desire of theirs.
For some people, there’s not much difference between a long-term commitment and marriage.
The primary difference is the legality.
A shining example: Actress Goldie Hawn has been in a long-term relationship with actor Kurt Russell since 1983.
Some people avoid marriage because of fear.
Be wary of making decisions about marriage based on fear or family expectations.
Everyone has ideologies that are passed down from their families of origin, some based in religion or tradition.
Jagoo says this is an instance where it’s helpful to pause and interrogate one’s aversion to marriage.
She recommends therapy as a potential way to process these experiences and clarify your real feelings on the matter.
There can be financial reasonstoget married.
For some, considerations like insurance or tax breaks may sway your decision.
“There can be situations where marriage might be helpful and beneficial to the couple,” Sarro says.
They recommend asking:
People can change their minds about this.
Some people do change their minds about marriage, and that’s OK.
There is plenty of time to make decisions about the collective future of a couple.
Because we are always changing, adapting, and growing, our opinions have the ability to as well.
How to deal with other people’s reactions.
Be honest from the beginning.
Keep lines of communication open.
Remember that you are allowed to change your mind!
Whatever you decide is valid.
Your relationship is valid and legitimate without the institution of marriage recognizing or acknowledging that," Sarro says.
It’s OK to let people know you don’t want to get married.
