We’ve all been there.
Someone’s friend or family member passes away, and we want to be supportive and show understanding.
Writing a condolence message.
A condolence message can take many forms but is understood to be anexpression of sympathywhen someone dies.
There is no social rule about who can send a condolence message.
When to reach out.
“Are you a close friend who was notified directly?
Louis says you could and should reach out immediately when you first find out the loss has occurred.
They may or may not respond right away, but they’ll know you’re there for them.
What kind of condolence messages are acceptable to send, and in what way?
Is calling appropriate, is texting too informal, or do we send a traditional condolence card?
“Methods of reaching out depend on the level of closeness of the relationship,” Louis says.
How to write a condolence message.
There are different kinds of condolence messages for different situations.
The message will also differ depending upon who the recipient is in relation to you.
Condolence messages for a friend.
Condolence messages for a family member.
Condolence messages for the loss of a partner.
Religious messages.
Messages to offer help.
Tips to keep in mind:
Manage your expectations.
Be a memory keeper.
Their lost loved one will continue to live on through them.
Consider actions instead of just words.
Keep in mind that messages are not always verbal.
Behaviors can speak volumes, such as holding your friend’s hand.
Be proactive with offering help.
“because they likely will not ask for anything.
Offer specifics, Louis recommends, like bringing over food or groceries.
Go over to do their laundry.
Ask if they’d like you to sleep over for a night or two.
Expect and accept mood swings.
This is all part of thenormal grieving process.
Avoid giving advice.
Listen without assumption.
Assure the person that it is OK to talk about their feelings.
Don’t pressure people to move on faster.
“While grief is universal, our expression and experience is individual and unique to each of us.
We never reallymove on from grief; instead, we learn to move forward with it.”
Just be there.
“Just be there,” says Louis.
“Sometimes people think they need to have the right thing to say.
You don’t always need to talk.
Sometimes your presence is enough.”
There is no timeline for grief.
What not to say in a sympathy card.
There are things you should not say in a sympathy card and subjects you will want to avoid.
Even though well meaning, sometimes certain sentiments will backfire and not be taken as intended.
Our experts offer some specific examples of language to avoid, including:
