These folks love to prod, and in those moments, it’s important to know what to do.
Enter: the grey rock method.
What is the grey rock method?
If the words “grey rock” sound boring to you, that’s exactly the point.
The grey rock method is basically about being the human equivalent of a grey rock, explainsW.
Keith Campbell, Ph.D.,psychologist and author ofThe Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
How it works.
Understanding the grey rock method first requires understanding toxic, abusive, and/ornarcissistic behavior.
As Campbell and Richmond both note, toxic people love to play games, maintain control, andmanipulateothers.
Either you avoid interactions entirely or keep them super brief and unemotional.
Richmond’s go-to phrase, for example, is, “I don’t find that very interesting.”
“Using the grey rock method means that the narcissist can’t use their standard manipulation tactics.
There’s not the emotional reaction they’re used to,” Campbell notes.
Who it should be used with.
Campbell specifically recommends this method for people in an entangled relationship with an emotionally controlling and manipulative narcissist.
When to use it.
As Richmond explains, most emotionally abusive people are looking for attentionand negative attention is better than no attention.
So don’t give it to them!
Pros & cons.
After all, the idea is to be as boring as a grey rock.
Campbell notes it can take a lot of discipline to master it.
And lastly, in some cases, this method can have the opposite effect it’s intended to.
“It can lead to some very negative reactions on the part of the narcissist,” Campbell says.
And as Richmond adds, “You really have to pay attention to safety.
What to do when it’s not working.
Of course, that action will depend on the level of negativity you’re dealing with.
“you should probably reach out and get support, and let someone else know what’s happening.
The main thing here is to knowyour own boundariesand not put up with someone violating them.
