We’ve all felt anger in our lives, perhaps some of us more than others.
But what if anger is “just the tip of the iceberg”?
That’s the theory behind the Anger Iceberg, and understanding it can help with fostering emotional intelligence.
Where did the Anger Iceberg originate?
Their mission is to help couples and families work through difficulties and cultivate stronger, more loving relationships.
Their research led to an understanding of anger as often a mask or cover for deeper emotions.
And further, that understanding anger empowers individuals to have constructive, healing conversations around their pain.
How can the Anger Iceberg be used in situations of conflict?
“Like any other emotion, the feeling of anger is communicating something to us,” Lippman-Barlie notes.
And just as important as understanding your own anger is understandinganger that’s directed toward youfrom another.
4 tips for making anger more productive.
We asked Lippman-Barlie for her tips on working through anger.
Here’s what she had to say:
Understand what triggered you.
This will also help you identify specific triggers in the future.
“Look at your anger as communication,” she says.
“What is it trying to tell you?
After all, it’s here for a reason.”
Identify what’s going on underneath the tip of the iceberg.
If it’s jealousy, maybe you have towork through feelings of insecurity.
But ultimately, it’s about unpacking your anger to understand yourself with more clarity.
Help yourself feel calmer.
Within all of this work is a need to self-soothe and emotionally regulate.
Of course, as mentioned, anger is validbut we don’t want it to become destructive.
“Let time take its course.
Channel your energy.
Anger is a natural and essential emotion that is bound to come up in one way or another.
Don’t run from it.
