OK, let’s get real here for a minute.
Good for you guys.
But those aren’t the people I want to talk about right now.
The conundrum.
For most of us, masturbation is an incredibly private, personal activity.
We’ve been masturbating in private for all our lives.
That’s how we’re used to doing it.
Masturbation provides stress relief, relaxation, and a sense of control over one’s own pleasure.
And you deserve to have pleasure, now as much as ever.
Is it OK to masturbate when your partner is home?
Of course, there’s also the question of how yourpartnerfeels about it.
Why not just have sex with me?The subtler question here:Am I not enough?
Masturbation isn’t a replacement for sex.
“Masturbation is seldom about another person,” Brown-James explains.
And this can be such a relief."
Masturbation and sex generally serve different purposes.
One is meditative and comforting, whereas the other is creative and thrilling.
Both have their place, and neither adequately replaces the other.
Rather than opposing forces, the two often work in tandem.
As Esther Perel has said of eroticism, ‘Fire needs air.’
Masturbation can provide some of that ‘air’ or space."
How to talk to your partner about masturbation:
1.
Approach it with a curious mindset.
“Why do they masturbate?
To cope with anxiety?
To detach and decompress?
To stoke their inner sexual flame?”
Explain why masturbation is important to you.
“What does masturbation do for you?”
Reinforce that it’s not a replacement for sex with them.
This is especially important if your partner wants to have more sex with you.
It’s of courseOK to not want sex in your relationshipsometimes.
Be empathetic to any feelings that may come up with your partner.
But if you’re already feeling disconnected or unhappy, that potential stressor can trigger a massive conflict.
Also, don’t forget the joys of mutual masturbation.
It can be an excellent win-win for everyone.
