Controlling behavior isn’t always physical aggression and outright demands.
What does it mean to be controlling?
Oftentimes the wants and needs of the person being controlled are completely dismissed or even disrespected.
Anyone can have controlling tendencies and behaviors, including friends, family members, co-workers, and romantic partners.
A person doesn’t necessarily need to be a “bad” person to have controlling tendencies.
Where this behavior comes from.
In other words, controlling behavior is a product of anxiety and fear of the unknown, Richmond explains.
Who are you with?
Send me a picture so I can see where you are," that’s definitely controlling.
This is especially true if they pick fights while you’re out without them.
“It’s because of their abandonment issues and insecure attachment,” she adds.
It comes down to limiting the resources you have so you have to rely on them.
Over time, this can lead someone to doubt (or at least deprioritize) their own needs.
“Let’s say a female partner didn’t get off and grabs her vibrator,” she explains.
This lack of trust triggers their insecurities and makes their need to control you even greater.
Research has also shownexcessive jealousy is often linked to narcissism1which brings us to our next point.
(Check out ourguide to spotting a narcissistfor more information.)
For example, a controlling parent may withhold love as a control tactic.
How to respond to a controlling person.
How you deal with a controlling person depends on the relationship dynamic.
If you’ve realized you’re in a controlling relationship that’s abusive, reach out for help immediately.
you’ve got the option to call, chat, or textthis hotlinefor support.
What do you think?
From there, how they respond will be telling.
Do they take accountabilityandchange their behavior?
If not, and they continue to disrespect your boundaries, it’s probably best to walk away.
If they respond well and actually change their behavior, that’s a sign the relationship can be salvaged.
If not, it’s possible for you to create some space or choose toend the friendshipentirely.
(For more tips on dealing withcontrolling parents, check out our guide.)
