I know that nobody has ever triggered me more than my best friend Dennis.
Dennis and I adore each other, but we tend to inadvertently stick needles into each other’s wounds.
These triggered moments are both healing and painful.
They create opportunities for us to heal, rather than avoid, our core wounds.
But, oh man, can they hurt.
Our relationship has blessed me by teaching me to engage in conscious conflict.
Step #1: Be aware that you are triggered.
Learn to recognize when youre triggered.
What happens in your body?
Does your pulse race and start pounding your heartbeat in your ears?
Does your solar plexus contract?
Does your heart close?
Dont make your trigger wrong or beat yourself up.
Just silently and gently label it trigger, then move to the next step.
Step #2: Pause and surrender.
Use your trigger as a cue to pause, get silent, and surrender the trigger to the Divine.
Go to the restroom so you might be alone if you are in a social setting or at work.
If you’re free to, step outside and find a quiet spot in nature.
Step #3: Feel and inquire.
Allow emotion to arise.
Let yourself be truly naked and vulnerable.
Do you feel angry?
Welcome and feel deeply whatever feeling arises.
Dont resist itallow it to take you over.
Pay attention to the familiarity of the feeling.
Can you pinpoint when you first felt like this?
Very often, when the trigger feels magnified, a childhood wound is being needled.
Perhaps something arose that triggered old memories and old patterns that are now playing out again.
Remind yourself, Everybody is doing the best they can.
Step #4: Take a few deep breaths.
Using aHeartmath technique, try visualizing your breath coming in and out through your heart.
If it feels resonant, finda mantrathat can quiet your mind, like Om or Peace or Heart.
Remember that were all connected on some cosmic level.
Notice any righteousness that casts you as right and the other as wrong.
Listen to the person who triggered you from this honest, openhearted, vulnerable space.
Step #5: Let yourself be loved.
Step #6: Go deeper.
Go deeper into your inquiry about what happened.
Try asking yourself a few questions:
Step #7: Find compassion.
Find compassion for yourself as well as the person who triggered you.
Remind yourself, Everybody is doing the best they can.
Allow yourself to be with any emotions that arise within you, but always come back to compassion.
Step #8: Consider taking inspired action.
You may feel guided to request something from the other individual or set a boundary between you two.
Its OK to even say, This behavior is unacceptable to me.
I need to end this relationship.
But now you will do so from a clean, examined state of inner calm.
