They didnt argue, their facial expressions were kind, and their nonverbal signals showed they cared.
Despite this, they were talking about ending their relationship.
They couldnt describe what was wrong, but both felt the relationship was empty.
However, it was as if a spark between them was never lit.
In the end, they felt it was best to part amicably, which they did.
That means finding a safe way to leave is the only sensible possibility.
Outside of these, there are situations in which you just dont know if you should leave or stay.
Don’t make decisions when you are in an intense emotional state of discouragement, anger, or despair.
Remember that love is afeelingand that relationships come and go.
Then we feel we would do anything to flee.
Just remember that love is a feeling and that a relationship is an agreement that has many seasons.
We disappoint one another, hurt one another, and sometimes even bore one another.
Learn about the ongoing arguments, which I call emotional loops.
Often, people think they want out of the marriage when they really want out of a loop.
In my experience, most women fear emotional disconnection, while many men feel criticized in relationships.
An emotional loop can begin in either place.
When one person feels abandoned, she may criticize her partner.
This drives him into withdrawing, which in turn makes her more critical.
After a while, these positions seem permanent, but I am happy to say that they are not.
It is possible to break the loop and find joy in your relationship again.
Understand your role in the dynamic.
I have seen so many people leave relationships thinking that the problem was the other person.
They discover someone new, and for a while, everything is wonderful.
A few years into that relationship, however, they find that the same issues are back.
As a very clever book title says, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
If you cope with your troubles by being defensive, practice being more open and more vulnerable.
When one person changes, often their partner does unwittingly.
So unless you are in danger, slow your decision down.
Remember, a relationship is a dynamic between two people.
The most important outcome is that you healand free yourselffrom your part of what makes your relationship unhealthy.
Many relationships can overcome challenges when both people are willing to learn to practice the skills.
It not, at least you wont be continuing the same patterns with someone else.
And that’s a step in the right direction.
Hoping to keep your marriage?Ask yourself this question.
