What is anorgasmia?
Basically, almost anything can be messing with your ability to reach orgasm.
“I choose not to use these diagnoses because they are gendered and pathologize normal variations in human sexuality.
Is it normal for a girl to never come?
No, it is not “normal” for girls to never come or reach orgasm during sex.
On the other hand, a2018 study2estimates between 1 and 5% of sexually active men experience delayed ejaculation.
(Here’s more on thescience of orgasms.)
How to know if you have anorgasmia.
Additionally, this must be causing you “significant distress.”
Here are a few helpful ways to know if you might have anorgasmia:
1.
Consider whether you’ve ever had an orgasm, ever.
Consider the breadth of your sexual experiences.
Consult with your doctor.
Notably, not all doctors are trained to treat sexual issues, especially the ones pertaining to pleasure.
How to treat anorgasmia.
Explore physical and medical causes with your doctor.
Reflect on your relationship with sex.
Do you have a fraught relationship with sex?
Or maybe sex just generally makes you nervous, anxious, or stressed out for some reason.
Reflect on your relationship with your body.
Your relationship with your body affects your sex life.
Men’sinsecurities about penis sizeand body size can also mess with their ability to focus on pleasure.
Reflect on your relationship with your partner.
(Or getting a new partner!)
Experiment with toys and erotica.
“It’s not uncommon for orgasms to change over time and with age,” Fogel Mersy says.
“At times, the key in of stimulation that used to work best may not feel adequate anymore.
Also, sex toys can be useful to intensify pleasure and sensation during sexual activity.”
Explore with your partner.
Likewise, involve your partner in your exploration!
Anorgasmia is frustrating, but finding solutions can be something that’s a lot of fun.
A mindfulness practice can actually help improve orgasms, according to Fogel Mersy.
She explains, “Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment on purpose and without judgment.
Mindfulness can help to refocus on pleasure and what’s happening in the moment.”
Work with sexuality professionals.
You definitely don’t need to work through these challenges by yourself.
Stay patient and positive.
