And specifically, is it possible to identify the signs of a secure attachment style in someone early on?
What is a secure attachment style?
There are three main attachment styles:secure attachment,anxious attachment, andavoidant attachment.
There is also a fourth attachment style which is a combination of the two traits, known asfearful-avoidant attachment.
“Some anxious people aren’t really interested in the other person,” Dr. Reis explains.
“They’re interested in the other personlikingthem and offering them security.
It’s like the Bette Midler line, ‘Enough about me.
Let’s talk about you.
What do you think about me?’
That’s an anxious person talking.”
To help sort out whether your date is secure or anxious, consider the additional first-date clues below.
Anxious people will tend to disclose too much too soonwell before the other person is ready for closeness.
The result is they may appear needy and overeager.
They’re likely to manage the tension well and be generally upbeat about it.
(Here’s mbg’sfull guide on what to talk abut on a first date, by the way.)
Attachment research shows you might enjoy a successful relationship with any attachment key in.
If you match up with another secure person, you both can contribute to a stable relationship.
For that reason, avoidant and anxious people will each do best with a secure partner.
The match to most keep away from?
That would be anxiousavoidant.
FAQ:
What is the strongest indicator of secure attachment?
How can you identify someone’s attachment style?
There’s no combination of attachment types that absolutely without question cannot work.
