We’ve likely all heard that trite little truism by now:Communication is key to a healthy relationship.
But let’s be real for a second.
What does it actually mean to communicate well in a relationship?
“But the way we approach articulating our feelings is a distinct choice from expressing the feelings themselves.”
But this is flawed thinking, she notes.
Some people also struggle with communication in relationships because vulnerability and self-expression are generally difficult for them.
Create a pattern of openness.
Make transparency the norm in your relationship, says Guttman.
“Create a sustainable pattern of being honest, staying connected, and remaining open to each other.
Speak gently.
Avoid raising your voice to the best of your abilities.
“The second you escalate an argument is the second your partner stops listening.
Avoid criticism.
Here’s an example she offers:
Use “I” statements.
Empathize first, then respond.
“Don’t stop until you could get in their shoes and see it from their worldview.
Do thisbeforeyou start constructing your response.”
Your goal should be to really, truly understand why they’re upset, she adds.
Then you’re able to proceed to communicate how you see it.”
Accept that you will see things differently sometimes.
This is what it means to be empathetic toward someone without necessarily agreeing with them.
Regulate your own emotions.
“Work toward being able to settle yourself down and tend to your own reactivity.
“This return builds trust within the relationship.”
Repair any damage and reconnect as soon as possible.
Inevitably, tensions will boil over, and arguments will break out.
Get to know yourself better.
This will help you build up your ability to better express yourself.
(Here’s more onhow to be more vulnerablein relationships.)
Release the fear of division.
“Either way, it’s a win, and we get the information we need.”
Learning how to fix communication issues in a relationship will take time.
Once you notice that’s happened, collect yourself, apologize to your partner, and take another crack.
Good communication takes practice, but with time, these communication tips will start to become second nature.
It can help to explain why certain adjustments would help you.
double-check to ask your partner about things you might be able to improve on, too.
FAQ:
Can you fix lack of communication in a relationship?
It’s absolutely possible to fix a lack of communication in a relationship.
How can I improve my communication skills in relationships?
Pick up abook about relationshipsfor some in-depth learning.
The good news is, it’s absolutely possible to learn how to communicate better in a relationship.
