First off, it’s important to understand where this desire is coming from.
Setting boundariesis important in all relationships, including with your sexual partners.
For example, one boundary may be that everyone gets tested for STIs beforehand.
Another may be that no kissing is involved.
No matter the boundary or expectation, everyone must play by the rules.
Check in throughout the experience.
Does this feel good?
Can I keep going?
Want me to stop?
“see to it everyone has consented and feels they have control.
Consider worst-case scenarios.
On the flip side, some folks feel more connected, playful, and intimate after.
All emotional responses are valid, so be honest about how you feel,” says O’Reilly.
How to bring up the idea of a threesome to your friend:
1.
Do it in person at a neutral location.
Feel them out first (not literally).
Take the pressure off yourselves and the friend by bringing up the topic in casual conversation.
Ask them, “Have you ever considered having a threesome with someone?”
If their immediate answer is “Hell no!”
then don’t push it.
Prepare for the possibility that they’re not interested in involving you in their sex life.
Gauge their body language.
“Do their eyes light up?
Do they sit up straighter?
Special considerations:
If it’s you, your partner, and your friend.
Beware of couples' privilege!
“Most ‘unicorns’ don’t want to be treated as a prop in a couples' fantasy.
If it’s you, your friend, and your friend’s partner.
“Ask questions about their [relationship] dynamic,” says O’Reilly.
She notes it’s also important to speak up and let them know whatyouwantphysically, practically, and emotionally.
Do you want to spend time together first?
Do you want to snuggle after?
What are your limits, fantasies, and desires?
Make your wants and needs known so the experience can be as satisfying as possible for everyone involved.
If it’s you, your friend, and someone neither of you are dating.
Will you use an app?
Will you find a man, woman, or gender-nonconforming person?
The bottom line: Proceed with caution.
There are always going to be risks involved in bringing a third party into the bedroom.
That way, you’ll be mentallyandemotionally prepared for whatever happens before, during, and after the experience.
