Let’s face it: It’s incredibly sexy to observe someone else experiencingsexual pleasure.
You may be in the mood to pleasure your partner, but check in with them first.
Use your eyes
Before you even start, look at your partner’s penis or vagina.
I love it when clients tell me that they think their partner’s genitalia is beautiful!
Have a real, proper look.
Notice its contours, size, color, firmness, hairiness.
Allow your eyes to take everything in.
Does it make you want to smile and giggle?
Does it make you moreturned on?
Whatever arises for you, embrace it.
Use your hands
Slowly and gently begin to run your fingers over your partner’s genitalia.
Consider trying atantric massage, whether alingam massagefor penises or ayoni massagefor vulvas.
Again, using your sense of touch, soak it all in.
Feel it in every possible way you’re free to and notice every sensation beneath your fingertips.
Stroke around the whole area: Include your partner’s belly and thighs here, too.
Notice what is happening.
Is your partner showing signs of pleasure through breath or movement?
And importantly, what is it like for you to notice these things?
Does it turn you on?
Start farther away, and slowly get closer and closer.
Use both your tongue and lips
Gently start to use your mouth on their penis or vagina.
Remember that oral sex is all about using both your tongueandyour lips.
But remember to work gently at first.
Just a flick of the tongue or a chaste kiss in the beginning could intensify your partner’s sensations.
And for your own benefit, remember to be present to taste, texture, smells, sensations.
By now your partner is likely very aroused, and it is highly possible that you are, too.
after you snag your mouth on your partner’s genitalia, just explore.
Try different approaches such as varying pressure or speed of sucking or licking.
Remain aware of their responses and use your intuition to keep the “conversation” ongoing.
So often people struggle to communicate about sex, particularlyduringsex.
But how else will you know if your partner is happy with what is happening?
Don’t be afraid to gauge your partner’s pleasure by asking, asking, asking.
Most people are very happy to engage with a lover who is so attentive and considerate.
And sometimes just a simple “Do you like that?”
can be extremely arousing.
Oral sex can end in many different ways.
You could move to intercourse or manual stimulation.
(Here’s ourfull guide to edging, if you want to learn more.)
Or you could simply lie back and cuddle.
Keep an open mind, and remember that sex is always different!
Be respectful
This is one of the most important pieces of advice to keep in mind.
If you are comfortable for them to ejaculate in your mouth, tell them that too.
Respect is a two-way street, so make your needs known: No one is a mind-reader!
Expectations are set up, and then when they are not met, disappointment ensues.
If you remove all the hype around orgasm, you create an environment that facilitates relaxation and enjoyment.
Sometimes it is good enough to just feel those amazing sensations without focusing on the goal!
Have fun
This goes for all sexual activity, but be creative.
Light candles andset up a romantic bedroom environmentif that works for you.
Turn on some soft (or loud!)
music if that gets you in the mood.
There are no right answers.
The key is remaining in the moment and allowing yourself to loosen up and have a great time.
After all, that’s what pleasure is all about.
