How is it that a wonderful, potential-filled romantic partnership can getsoout of whack?
You’re not alone if you find yourself asking, “What’s happened to my relationship?
Whereand whendid it go wrong?
Why do things just feeloff?”
If something feels off in your relationship, here’s exactly how to change things for the better.
Consider it a detox for your relationship, and get ready for a good cleanse.
Step 1: Create three lists.
Create three lists exploring the following questions:
What are the key relationship issues?
Create a solid list, getting as specific as possible.
What’s out of alignment, or where are things feeling toxic or stuck?
Is communication a problem?
Are boundary violations an issue?
Is your sex life waning or unfulfilling?
Has your sense of trust in each other eroded?
What’s your role?
As objectively as possible, step back to look at the part you play in the problematic dynamics.
Are there times you bottle up your emotions until you explode?
Does a fear of confrontation keep you from speaking your truth?
What do you need from your partner?
It’s so important to know what youwantso that you might state your needs clearly.
Here’s your third list: what you’d like to get more ofor less offrom your partner.
Do you wish your partner would be more demonstrative?
Do you want your partner to put work aside a bit more often?
Do you need more support with day-to-day tasks?
Would you like your partner to be kinder and less sarcastic?
Do you simply need to know that your partnerlistenswhen you talk?
Step 2: Arrange “detox dates” with your partner.
When it comes to detoxing a relationship, nothing’s more effective than ongoing,honest, direct communication.
it’s possible for you to set the stage for healthy communication by making weekly check-ins with your partner.
It’s helpful to set a positive intention.
An upbeat attitude not only decreases fear; it increases positive personal investment.
Whatever setting you choose, take care to ensure that it’s as distraction-free as possible.
Weekends are often ideal, as energy tends to be higherand stress tends to be lower.
Step 3: Clear out resentment.
Pay special attention to clearing out old resentments and preventing new ones.
All too often, one or both partners create a small (or large) arsenal of built-up resentments.
I also feel sad and disrespected, as I am excited to see you and share dinner together.
I’d like to talk about this and create a new pattern that honors both of us."
Step 4: Practice reflective listening.
Solid communication skills are the foundation of everyhealthy relationship.
The goal is to create win-win communication that simply allows each person to feelunderstood.
How does this technique work?
First, one partner speaks about an issue, and the listening partner focuses solely on the speaker.
When the speaker is done, the listener repeats back what was saidwithouteditorializing.
This strategy allows each person to feel that their thoughts and feelings are validated and understood.
What could feel more connective than that?
Then move on to try using the technique for bigger issues or tenser conflicts.
Step 5: Commit.
Change happens when we take committed action.
So, if your relationship is feeling off, don’t give up.
