Asking your spouse or partner for an open relationship can feel overwhelmingly difficult.
You don’t want to hurt their feelings or trigger an irreversible rift in your relationship.
Indeed, this first conversation is pivotal.
Begin with an exploratory mission.
Ask your mate if they would be willing to discuss the possibility of opening your marriage or relationship.
This is much less threatening than jumping directly to “I want to have sex with other people.”
Tell them all the ways you value your marriage or relationship.
Be specific about what you appreciate.
This conversation should remainrespectful.After all, this is someone you care for deeply.
Brush up on good communication skills.
Speak in “I” sentences: “Iwant more freedom” versus “Youare stifling me.”
Know where you stand.
Opening your relationship will not fix your current relationship problems.
Two people need to be strongly bound to make contracts of this nature.
Here’s how to know if an open relationship is right for you.
If you do want to preserve your current relationship, the next step is crucial.
Strengthen your connection with your partner.
Honestly evaluate what is happening between you.
What are the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship?
Avoid labels and jargon.
The truth is, everyone has a very different idea of what these things mean.
Get a very clear picture of what you want before you begin the discussion.
This could be a long process.
Remember, patience is a virtue.
Let your partner go first.
When I suggested we open our marriage, my husband was intrigued but afraid.
We worked with a therapist for five months and were still at a standstill.
Until I suggested he try it first.
I encouraged him to date for a few months while I focused on supporting his process.
After 20 years of marriage, he was captivated by the plan.
We all want to do ethical nonmonogamy perfectly, but unforeseen situationswillpop up.
There will be a certain amount of mess.
Try not to shame each other for miscommunication and misunderstandings.
Amend agreements and keep going.
It’s like learning Spanishyou wouldn’t expect to speak fluently after three classes.
There’s a learning curve here too.
Promise your partner there will be no fast moves, no hairpin turns.
Promise to drive within the speed limit and pull over if you lose your way.
Erring on the side of caution can help you avoid too many big goofs.
Have some short exploratory ventures out into the world of open relationships.
Nonmonogamy is just another way to set up your relationship.
It does work for many.
Customize it to work for you and your partner.
Just as no two monogamous relationships are the same, no two open relationships work exactly the same way.
Be open to your own interpretations of what it means to have an open marriageand good luck.
