Threesomes are themost common American fantasy.
As such, they hold a special place in the collective sexual imagination and the cultural landscape.
What is a threesome?
A threesome, in its most simple terms, is sexual activity that occurs between three people.
All that counts is that three people are present, willing, and into making each other feel good.
How to set up a threesome:
Figure out what you want.
Do you want to have a threesome with two other people of your own gender?
Do you want to have a threesome with two people who are strangers to you and each other?
Do you want to fuck your hot neighbor and her husband?
What are you looking to experience?
What are your boundaries?
Use a dating app.
There are plenty of apps suited to the needs of both singles and couples who are looking for threesomes.
If you’re in a couple, an app such asFeeldcould be ideal.
For singles,Tinderis a classic for a reason.
Lots of couples create joint Tinder accounts where they look for singles to have threesomes with.
Don’t be that person.
Go to a munch.
A munch is a nonsexual, social hangout for people interested in BDSM.
Find munches through sites such asFetopiaorFetlife.
Both couples and singles can use munches to networkand potentially find people to have a threesome with you.
Proposition a stranger at a bar.
Ask a friend.
Approachthreesomes with friendswith caution.
Go to a sex party.
Employ a sex worker.
“Sex work is work…you’re paying for the discretion and professionalism.”
If you employ a professional, you don’t spin up the risk of emotions becoming entangled.
You also respect the third party by not drawing them into the potential aftermath of the threesome.
After you’ve paid them, they’re free to return to their life.
ensure all three people are on the same page.
Also double-check to establish that your prospective partners are positive about using protection, and then stick to it.
dilemmas or even “which of these people got me pregnant?”
Set the vibe.
Set the vibe and check that that you have enough space!
Also: Don’t get too drunk beforehand.
Check in with each other.
How to ask your partner for a threesome.
But you’re in a monogamous relationship currently, and you need your partner to also be on board.
How do you bring up the idea of a threesome?
What’s the best approach to this?
You could try using a light approach.
Some people may surprise you and be more open than you expect, says Lawrenz.
“Remember, threesomes are not fun if there is not mutual shared consent by all parties.”
Tips for a successful threesome:
Consider the logistics.
Where are you going to have this threesome?
In your marital bed or at a more neutral hotel?
Have you remembered to bring your wallet so you have money to get the bus?
Did you charge your phone so you might call an Uber?
The more prepared and comfortable you feel, the better the sex will be.
Communicate boundaries.
Who is allowed to kiss each other?
Who is allowed to penetrate each other?
Often couples will set boundaries about the kind of behavior that is OK for them during a threesome.
If you’re the couple, it’s on you to clearly communicate that to your third.
And if you’re the third, it’s on you to respect those boundaries.
Check in with your partnerand yourself.
verify that your hypothetical and fantastical excitement about having a threesome actually translates to real life.
Don’t go along with a threesome just to yo your girlfriend or husband, etc.
They might just be super in love with you and wanting to just you.
verify everyone feels included.
Come up with some positions for three.
Threesomes mean a wider variety of positions to try.
you’ve got the option to be penetrated anally by one person while giving another oral sex.
you might spoon each other in a row.
The possibilities are endless.
Not all bodies need to be touching at all times, but everyone should feel included in the experience.
Practice aftercare.
Aftercareis important for any sexual encounter, but perhaps threesomes especially.
ensure that they’re feeling OK and that the experience was fun for them.
Considerations and cautions:
Avoid: Ignoring one person.
The most common cause of a threesome gone wrong is left-out syndrome," says Lawrenz.
[This] can maintain connection and ensure everyone is feeling part of the play."
Avoid: Relying on luck and flow.
Instead, you should probably be overly communicative and methodical.
Avoid: Not expressing boundaries.
Or saying that you don’t want to engage in penetrative sex.
Avoid: Being disrespectful.
“They are a person, not a sex toy.”
Consider: Will you be drinking or sober?
Therefore, having full control over your mental faculties is of the utmost importance.
You’ll thank yourself tomorrow.
Consider: Will this be a one-time thing?
(Here’s the right way toask for an open relationship, in case you’re wondering.)
Is this going to be a regular “Thursday threesome” situation?
Is this a one-off occasion between friends that will never be spoken of again?
Get to know the lay of the land before you get laid.
“Know where you want to go before you are all together.
Have conversations while your clothes are still on and while all parties are sober,” says Lawrenz.
Are threesomes good for relationships?
“Anything can be good or risky for a relationshipeven monogamy,” says Harel.
Taking your relationship for granted and not making space for open conversationnow that’s risky!"
Threesomes give us a chance to rewrite that narrative.
