If you choose to stay together, how do you recover and come out stronger?
Step 1: Atone.
First and foremost, the cheater must express regret and remorse.
According to the Gottman Method, it’s necessary for the cheater accept the blame.
During this same process, the cheater needs to become more aware of their needs and vulnerabilities.
Oftentimes the affair occurs as a way for the cheater tomeet their unrecognized needs.
This helps to give the victim back some of their power.
Step 2: Attune.
In the second phase, partners begin to make each other a priority again.
Recognizing the roots of the problem.
Once you’ve done this, miracles begin to take place."
“A person may be cheating because theylike who they arewhen they’re with their affair partner.
They might feel sexier, smarter, more charming, and more alive when they cheat.
With their spouse at home, they might feel invisible, dull, boring, or old.
An affair can counteract a person’s negative self-talk, through no fault of their partner.”
Rebuilding trust.
Over time, these acts of kindness help couples to rebuild rapport and trust.
Slowly they can begin to appreciate and enjoy each other again, even it feels forced in the beginning.
It actually feels better to trust than not to trust.
Avoiding antagonism.
Those tests are invalid and merely breed greater antagonism and one-sided coercion."
Step 3: Attach.
This exercise can be particularly powerful for couples that have been together for many years.
(If you want more ideas, here arefive other waysto connect with your partner again.)
Having fun.
While working through these steps of recovery, it’s also important to continuehaving fun.
