During one of these times, she may lose her life.
The lingering trauma of being in a relationship with a narcissist.
Sometimes, you’ll miss them and want to reach out.
The thing about trauma is that our brains need closure.
It feels like a bad magic spell, and we feel more helpless and hopeless with time.
Or, fast-forward decades.
You wonder why people hurt you and why you’re able to’t trust most humans.
And one fine day, the trauma catches up with you, and you break down.
Gone from them in your head, body, and soul.
How to heal from your experience with a narcissist.
Let’s use an analogy we all understand.
There is a wound, and we cannot merely slap on Band-Aids.
We have to go deep and clean it and harness our natural ability to heal and rejuvenate.
At the same time, we’ll ensure that the surface of the skin strengthens and beautifies.
In other words, we work on both the roots and symptoms at the same time.
Here’s what you’ll need to do:
1.
Don’t do this alone.
No or minimal contact.
If you do not have any more entanglements with them, keep it that way.
Do not even dream of staying friends.
Keep accountable to someone you could contact when you want to communicate with the narcissist.
If you have joined responsibilities and assets, engage professionals and intermediaries.
This applies even to going to your previously shared property to collect your belongings.
It takes a village to reclaim true freedom.
Don’t bypass the healing process.
That is not true.
You cannot bypass processing what you’ve gone through.
You’ll need to have a present and future to look forward to.
Bad things happen in life, but they don’t last forever.
When you build strong foundations, you actively grow and practice resilience.
You become unshakable and learn to ride the waves of life.
Keep practicing boundaries, and know you have permission to have them.
What you do with this experience henceforth, however, is your responsibility.
Start by creating a list of your personal boundariesthe Hell No’sin your life.
Write scripts for what you’ll say in certain situations.
You’ll sound awkward at first.
Don’t tell everyone.
Difficult people will force their opinions and prescriptions for your future down your throat.
Not everyone is on your sidetake this as an opportunity to streamline your relationships.
You may be physically removed from the narcissist, but they can often live in your head.
Abuse trains us to blame ourselves.
You’ll blame yourself for many things you continue to do.
Perhaps you’ve had tons of memories in a place you used to frequent with your ex.
And you really enjoy that place.
You don’t need to taint that solely with the past.
Make new memories in activities and places with yourself or people you trust.
This may seem overwhelming at first.
And then these things you once held dear to you start becoming a part of your life again.
Make empathy your superpower.
Many clients I work with despise their empathy because they believe it got them into trouble.
That’s not necessarily true.
you might practice discerningly diverting this empathy to yourself and those who deserve it.
This way, it works for you rather than against you.
Know that we believe you.
Moreover, no relationship is 100% bad.
There were good times, whether or not the narcissist’s intentions were real.
You don’t need everyone to believe you.
Know that I believe you.
There’s a whole bunch of us out there who believe you.
The bottom line.
Truly healing from a narcissist takes effort, as with anything.
But the steps you might slowly gain proficiency in are fundamentally simple.
What you have to watch out for is how we’ll always talk ourselves out of it.
And then ask yourself: What legacy would you like to leave behind?
We can choose to whitewash our past by pretending it doesn’t exist, but secrets make us sick.
Writing from the other side, it is my deepest prayer for you that you’ll get there too.
