There is a growing body of research trying to understand this habit.
With all the negatives associated with complaining, what positive end is this behavior trying to accomplish?
“You never talk to me about your day” suggests a longing for connection.
Rather than whining about what someone is doing wrong, it is important to learn to phrase things positively.
This is an interpersonal skill that requires time to develop, but it can improve relationships drastically.
Saying, “I miss hearing whats going on with you” would certainly have a better outcome.
A need for validation or sympathy.
A fear of managing a problem directly.
It may be frightening to directly address a problem and request for something new to happen.
This could be their way to let off steam about an ongoing issue without risking actual consequences.
Ask the person what things would look like if the situation became better for them.
Have them create an action plan and let you know how this plan works for them.
Set boundaries, compassionately but firmly.
Its one thing to express sadness, grief, or anger about an event in your life.
If we dont allow ourselves to feel our sadness, it can get stuck in us as ongoing grief.
Paying attention to our feelings is necessary, but complaining is not.
Complaining does, however, point to a source of distress.
If you suspect you are a constant complainer, look for the trouble underneath.
Want to complain less?Give this weeklong challenge a try.
