What it means to be the “golden child.”
“To be clearer, a golden child is held responsible for the family’s success.
“A golden child is an example for others to follow.
The parents exert discipline and action and force the child to reinforce their desires.
They may also shun activities they consider childish and opt for more productive hobbies.
“Often golden children are parentified and help raise other children.
Super high achievers
“Golden children are often extraordinarily studious and love the competitive environment at school.
These children work to receive the best grades possible with the purpose of showing their parents.
When golden children fail to uphold their unrealistic expectations, they will become highly frustrated with themselves.
How the concept can be harmful & have effects later in life.
Being a golden child can have harmful effects later in life.
For one, it often affects relationships in terms of connection and boundaries, Roberts says.
For example, they might display excessivepeople-pleasing, seeking the validation they never received as a child.
Another negative effect of this syndrome is growing up with low self-esteem.
“These children will also grow into adults who become defensive when they receive criticism.
They will automatically believe that they have failed,” she continues.
In the long run, these children can also becomemanipulativeand controlling.
They overrun others to meet their own needs by exploiting and using others to meet their vested interests.
They may also become passive-aggressive and jealous, Gonzalez-Berrios adds.
When narcissism comes into play.
The golden child is usually the offspring of one or two narcissistic parents, Hafeez says.
These parents use their children to show off their own perfection.
Golden children cannot explore their identities because they spend all their time obeying their narcissistic parents.
In some cases, these narcissistic parents don’t even know what they’re doing to their children.
Imagine being a child completelyunable to connect with your parents emotionally?
“The narcissist enjoys pushing others to their breaking point.”
Overcoming golden child syndrome.
so that heal from your golden child syndrome, you’ve got to accept it.
Gonzalez-Berrios encourages working to “accept the darkest corners of yourself that are filled with pride and honor.
Accept the narcissist in you to heal from within.”
Consider therapy.
Therapy can be key to overcoming golden child syndrome, Roberts says.
Set boundaries.
You should also consider setting boundaries in your life.
“Boundaries can be incredibly hard for the golden child.
“Learning to say no is a skill that can be built.”
(Therapy can help with that, he adds.)
(Here’s more onhow to set healthy boundaries with parents.)
Manage shame.
Finally, Roberts says it’s important to manage shame and find self-compassion.
“Compulsive people-pleasing or perfectionism are based in shame.
The idea is that doing more or taking on more will solve the shame.
However, this is rarely the case,” Roberts explains.
“It’s the same concept as an addict stopping a craving with more drugs.
The bottom line.
It doesn’t mean your parents were horrible narcissists who were hard on you.
It also doesn’t mean you’ll forever have a hard time in your adult life.
If you are concerned, though, then it could be worth discussing it further with a professional.
The wounds weren’t self-inflicted, but you’ll have to tend to them with your own hands.
Be gentle with yourself as you heal here.
