Sex educator and pleasure coachViolettells mbg your body can have a genital response calledarousal nonconcordance.
Because of that, you shouldn’t rely on a person’sbody cuesalone as permission to push things further.
Approach him with unbridled enthusiasm.
Be forward in letting him know he’s the object of your desire.
Confidence is key.
It’s the ultimate aphrodisiacand a huge turn-on for guys and most people.
“Feel confident by being unapologetically yourself at all times.
Confidence isn’t a personality trait.
It’s a series of intentional and repetitive behaviors.
“Put your full attention on the sensations you’re experiencing every step of the way.”
(Here’s more onhow to build confidence.)
Stimulate him visually.
“Get creative and use this to your advantage.
Make use of sexting.
Create wanton anticipation with the help of some sexy texting.
(Here’s ourfull guide to sexting, FYI!)
Kiss them all over, targeting their erogenous zones.
“Good kissing doesn’t stop at the lips itself!
Offer to blindfold or restrain your partner for more intense sensations!”
Create sexy rituals.
Look out for little moments to build up excitement.
We ascribe meaning to patterns and things whether we’re aware of it or not.
His mind will attach those triggers to pleasure!”
Lean into mystery.
Esther Perelfamously once said that love enjoys knowing everything about you, but desire needs mystery.
“Our lives have become a matter of public record.
“Refraining from sharing every moment of your day with those around you creates an air of mystery.
Surprise and intrigue can be some of the most compelling turn-ons.”
Check your problems at the door.
Helpful reminder that if your S.O.
Keep things novel.
“We all have different novelty-seeking traits, and some people need more novelty to get to be aroused.
When trying outnew sex positions, approach it with a sense of humor.
It’s OK to laugh if it doesn’t work out!
What’s important is going into it with willingness and a nonjudgmental attitude.
Break the mundane with spontaneity.
“Spontaneity is a great way to keep the spark alive in your sex life.
Speak his love language.
Violet notes the brain is the biggest sex organ, and mental arousal is key to intimacy.
“This one is so important!
Depending on thelove languageof your partner, or what arouses them, play on that.
Turner breaks down the different love languages and how you could appeal to it with a turn-on.
Read and watch porn together.
Porn is usually seen as a solo act, so doing it together can become a sexual adventure.
But the fun shouldn’t stop there.
Exercise together.
Make it a game.
Sex educator and coachKait Scalisirecommends gameplay as a fun way to lighten things up.
(Here are some of our favesex games for couples.)
Relax together.
“When we’re stressed, it’s harder to access things like creativity, playfulness, and connection.
Doing breathwork together is also a great way to loosen up and connect.
Use your words.
With practice, it’ll soon begin to feel intuitive and natural.
“Solo sex is the best erotic educator you’ll ever find.
You’ll know what you want, where, when, and how.
Remember, men aren’t mind-readers.”
Above all, it’s important to look for consensuality to ensure joyful reciprocation.
The key is to be in tune with your partner’s needs.”
Use body language.
Leave a sexy note.
Make a point to check in regularly.
Talking doesn’t have to be so serious, though.
It’s just a time to approach each other with honesty and share your preferences openly.
“It gives you a chance to share your desires without as much awkwardness or pressure.
Plus, they allow you to address issues as they arise,” Scalisi notes.
Make him feel important.
“Everyone wants to feel loved, cherished, and important.
“By doing that for your partner, they’ll feel like you understand and care about them.
In turn, they may reflect that same attention to you.”
How to turn on a guy in bed:
Focused eye contact.
Locking eyes with him during sex can be thrilling and surprisingly vulnerable.
To practice this, try holding their gaze a few seconds longer than you normally would.
As you become more comfortable gazing at him, add in more time to intensify the lovemaking.
Moaning to express eagerness.
It’ll confuse your partner about what really turns you on and inhibit their performance.
Tell them exactly what you like with authentic moans of pleasure while they’re doing it to you.
Oral everywhere.
The pace of sex factors into the intensity of sensation.
Balls can be an important addition in helping make him come,” Cherie says.
“Be sure to stroke the skin of them or massage them gently to add extra sensation.”
Straddle slowly.
Touch, massage, and movement are powerful ways to express the unsaid.
“Take your time to get on top of themyou are his in that moment!
Once again, Cherie emphasizes the importance of slowing down.
“Extra tip: Wear a shirt that either unties or buttons.
The ‘take off’ is much more sexy than wrestling with getting your shirt over your head.”
Move like honey.
Play with power dynamics.
“Relinquish control to him, or control him for a change.
This can incorporate an entirely new level of connection and exploration,” Violet says.
The bottom line.
Sex is about more than just straightforward P-in-V penetration and the naked formthough, that’s hot, too.
