A dom-sub relationship is more than the whips, ropes, and role play.
What is a dom and sub relationship?
Dom is short for dominant, while sub is short for submissive.
“BDSM can be complicated.
So, a dom acts upon or does things to a sub.
The role of the dom.
“As a dominant, you enjoy the role of being assertive and direct how the scene plays out.
But most importantly, your role is to hold the space of trust and exercise control with responsibility.”
Dom can also be spelled as “domme” if the dominant presents or identifies as femme.
The role of the sub.
Menezes says the submissive typically feels empowered by surrender and enjoys giving up control in the agreed-upon scene.
“Surrender requires trust and comes with vulnerability,” she explains.
are incredibly important.”
Types of dom/sub relationships.
Like other relationships, dom-sub relationships come in many configurations.
Queen also notes that doms are often referred to as tops, while subs are referred to as bottoms.
Think of the BDSM classic: the sub caring for the dom’s boots and leathers.
Activities can range from nurturing (bath time, hair brushing) to spanking and punishment.
Though as sex educator and professional dominatrixLola Jeanrecently told mbg, that definition has been evolving.
“FLR can be any relationship that is not ‘male-led,'” she explains.
This could be anything from their finances to their attire to more menial tasks like chores."
Tips for exploring a dom/sub relationship:
Do your research.
For this step, read, attend classes, or even seek out mentors.
Figure out who you’ll play with.
Who will you play with?
Queen says it’s important to ask this question before diving in.
Do you have a partner who is likely to want to explore this?
It’s a good spot to be in because you might fine-tune your search.
Queen also suggests including any potential partners in the research step.
Set boundaries and limits.
Have very clearly defined boundaries before beginning dom-sub role play.
It is imperative that both the dominant and submissive sit down and go over boundaries and limits.
This may include a contract detailing what the submissive is comfortable with and what is off-limits, says Hall.
