Early in my marriage, I found myself losing sight of my needs and trying to yo my husband.
My priority became his happiness over my own.
My husband became confused and angry at my complete change in attitude and actions.
As I found my voice and better understood my needs, I became extremely protective of myself.
I was adamant that I had to take care of myself and create boundaries.
Boundaries versus barriers.
Boundariesare guidelines we create to let ourselves and others know our needs, expectations, capacity, and limits.
They are essential to our emotional and physical health.
Healthy boundaries teach us self-respect and self-love.
The pendulum can easily swing toward barriers before we find the right balance with our boundaries.
Why the difference matters.
Many of us enter adulthood with uncertainty as to what defines a healthy boundary.
The messages we receive as children will often shape how we define boundaries as adults.
The times that I did put myself first, I carried with me a sack of guilt and shame.
It was a challenge for me to do the things that would nourish my heart and soul.
Instead of boundaries that served our healthy connection, I had created barriers that cut it off.
Because of Jenni’s history, she had difficulty setting boundaries around physical intimacy and social situations.
Eventually, Jenni found her footing by learning to use her voice to express her needs.
We worked on her ability to put words to her experiences and connect to her emotional state.
Soon, she was able to comfortably share her vulnerability around sex with her boyfriend.
How to set boundaries without creating barriers.
Fluid and clear boundaries are game-changers.
“I feel my mother-in-law is judging my domestic capabilities,” she said.
“What gives her the right to come to my house and take over?”
A relationship with healthy boundaries supports independenceandinterdependence.
We become more capable of recognizing what is our responsibility and what is the responsibility of others.
We also become clear in our communication and use our voice appropriately.
Eventually, my husband and I were able to understand that compromise didn’t have to mean compromising ourselves.
Communicating in a kind and gentle way can be the difference between setting boundaries and creating barriers.
Sharing your feelings and desires may be difficult at first, and feelings of guilt and shame may arise.
