What is differentiation?
Differentiation is an active relational process that allows you to feel yourself as an autonomous separate person.
There is a polarity that exists in every relationship:
Polarities exist everywhere in life.
They are not intended to be antagonistic or conflictual in nature.
A polarity is like a seesaw, an ongoing, embodied dance of a relationship between two things.
Differentiation is theembodied balancing of attachment and autonomy.
The more differentiated you become, the more you dance inside the polarity.
People with low levels of differentiation experience high levels ofrelational anxiety, dissatisfaction, and interpersonal conflict.
They tend to beoverwhelmed by emotionsand experience relational discomfort.
Other characteristics of low differentiated people include fusion, beingemotionally cut off, and emotional reactivity.
Most intimate relationships fail as a result of low levels of differentiation.
Without differentiation, relationships cease to grow because the relationship dynamic becomes static and rigid.
In psychology, introjection is an unconscious internalization of the thoughts, behavior, or traits of others.
It occurs as a normal part of development, such as a child taking on parental values and attitudes.
Weintrojectour level of differentiation from our parents and family of origin.
Children usually recreate their parents' level of differentiation or lower since that is what they are shown.
You must cultivate a tremendous amount of mindfulness and self-awareness.
If you struggle with differentiation, working with a relational therapist can help you with all of the above.
That’s the entire point of differentiation.
Differentiation is you becoming fully autonomous.
Differentiation requires focused work, ongoing awareness, commitment to the process, and often therapy.
