Couples often ask me, “Can people really change?
This expectation that we stop learning and changing is both wrong and a recipe for unhappiness.
In fact, we all have a myriad of ways of being.
We often learn to do things that are hard because someone we love needs us to.
They often arrive at my door very discouraged.
As with anything in life, succeeding depends on trying with the right methods.
The 3 ingredients for positive change.
Rather than asking if people can change, a better question is:Under what conditions do people change?
For many of us, it is one of our most precious dreams.
In my work with couples, I often hear the story of giving up on the dream.
They look around at others' relationships.
(How many people do you know that have the relationship you would most like to have?)
They give up on their dreams and take a stab at be “realistic.”
to get to do all of the hard work and hanging in there, we need more than perspiration.
The power of decisions and commitment
The role of decisions in relationship improvement is often overlooked.
The first step is deciding.
Commitment means we end the option of turning around, giving up.
So, can people change?
