On the surface, those who watch my life but don’t know me well insist I’m extroverted.
I prefer to reserve energy for people in my inner circles, socializing one-on-one.
I guard my Me Time with the territoriality of a wolf.
I am, for all intents and purposes, proudly introverted.
But that wasn’t always the case.
That meant I simply wasn’t present or making the most of the experience.
That was me, uncomfortable as an introvert.
That was me, with social anxiety.
What is an introvert?
Imagine yourself standing in the middle of London’s Oxford Circus or Manhattan’s Times Square.
My extroverted friends love the buzz; they’ll become more incandescent and magnetic.
The idea, however, gives me the creeps when I think about how overwhelmed I’ll be.
As an introvert, I’ll shrink.
Similarly, the open-plan office where anyone can interrupt us or look over our shoulder is a nightmare.
Introverts recharge best on their own or in select company.
The John Donne poem “No Man Is an Island” also applies to them.
They love deep, meaningful conversations and loathe small talk with a passion.
That, to introverts, is a weekend well spent, whether indoors or outdoors.
What is social anxiety?
So we avoid these situations, leading us to feel more helpless about our social skills.
When we actually get ourselves in said situations, we judge ourselves mercilessly.
Imagine being so lost in your own head, you don’t pay attention to what’s going on.
Naturally, you know you’re not at your best.
This spirals into cruel taunts about your social competence; the vicious cycle feels overwhelming.
As you replay every microsecond of each interaction on a loop, you don’teverwant to socialize again.
That’s social anxiety.
Instead, the person with social anxiety imprisons themselves at home.
And they can ruminate over it for a long time.
Because, why seek a personality transplant?
That’s akin to being possessed by an alien, as I explain to my clients.
Social anxiety, on the other hand, is a cage.
It is a recognized mental health challenge that depletes your energy, confidence, and time.
Can you both be an introvert and have social anxiety?
As an introvert, we tend to overthink because of the way we’re wired.
It also travels through the frontal lobe, the part of the brain that evaluates outcomes.
This explains why introverts have a busy mind, considering different outcomes.
We also draw strongly from our long-term memory bank when we speak.
An event is neverjustan event for us.
There are differenttypes of introverts, and not all of them deal with social anxiety.
it’s possible for you to also be an extrovert or anambivertandstillhave social anxiety.
It’s painful when you start.
It’s about sticking to proven baby steps, not an overnight miracle.
Some of the most amazing conversationalists I’ve met have told me they grew up with crippling social anxiety.
If they can do it, so can you.
Also, know that extroverts don’t necessarily have it better.
That’s what you’realreadyan expert at!
Schedule in time to recharge
Theintrovert hangoveris real.
Instead of seeing it as a cause for shame, use it to your advantage.
The time will passanyway.
That is theyinto the figurativeyangof going out, enjoying the company and experiences.
Experiment to discover what your nervous system can handle, and plan accordingly.
But what you’re free to do is make small talk less small.
Chances are, they probably have a little anxiety too.
It’s primitive and only exists to protect you from threats.
But this fear center has no idea if this threat is real or imagined.
An important thing I prescribe to every client is to learn to get your higher brain back online usingbreathwork.
And when you breathe out, you slowly empty your body of air.
Likewise, regulating your brain startsnow.
Somehow, they didn’t trigger any anxiety.
In the same way, there’ll be things you already shine at.
Figure out what they are, or ask your trusted circle for feedback.
Commit to doingsomethingabout it.
Harness your strengths, and mutate challenges into superpowers.
This way, you might feel less judged or pressured to perform.
you might spin this as a challenge to make friends as an adult.
