It’s relatively normal to experience “mixed feelings,” aka ambivalence, toward your romantic partnerbut when do those mixed feelings spell trouble for your relationship?
According to research published in the journalSocial Psychological and Personality Science1, here’s what to know if you’re experiencing ambivalence.
Studying the 4 types of ambivalence in romantic relationships
For this study, researchers wanted to dig into the connection between ambivalence toward one’s partner and overall health and relationship outcomes.
To do so, they identified four types of ambivalence, which are as follows:
The researchers studied over 1,000 couples and individuals over the course of a year using questionnaires, daily diaries, and follow-ups, to assess things like ambivalence, relationship satisfaction, and relationship outcomes.
And based on their findings, objective and subjective ambivalence were significantly (and negatively) associated with both personal and relational well-being.
The same findings were not seen with implicit-explicit and implicit ambivalence, which didn’t show strong associations with well-being.
“Indeed,” the study authors write, “the present findings suggest that it is primarily the awareness of conflicting feelings (i.e., subjective ambivalence) that is especially associated with people reporting negative outcomes, at least for relational well-being.”
They add that in romantic relationships, “people may be most threatened by the awareness of their ambivalence given the strong desire to see their partner positively and the potentially relationship- and life-altering implications that acting upon one’s evaluations may have” (i.e., breaking up).
But when the ambivalence is more subconscious (aka implicit), the study authors explain that the impact on relationships and individual well-being isn’t significant.
How to handle relationship ambivalence
If you’ve been feeling ambivalent in your relationship, this study also points out that ruminating on feelings of ambivalence can make outcomes worse, so if you might make an effort tostop ruminating, that would be a good place to start.
Rather than ruminating, try having an open and honest conversation with your partner about the way you’ve been feeling.
Ambivalence is a tough line to walk, and some levels of it are to be expected, but talking about it with your partner can help prevent any miscommunication, unvoiced expectations, or assumptions.
If you’reexperiencing ambivalencethat’s taking a toll on your well-being, it may also be worth considering whether it’s time for the relationship to end.
Again, it can be tough to know how much ambivalence is normal, especially ifyou still love your partner, but if your relationship is making your life worse rather than making it better, you might be better off going your separate ways.
Here’s how to knowwhen it’s time to break up, plus the telltale signs that indicate you’refalling out of love.
The takeaway
Healthy relationships are not only a source of love and joy in our lives, but they’re actually tied tobetter health outcomes and longevity2.
The same cannot be said, however, for unhealthy relationships with a high degree of ambivalence, so it’s important to keep an eye on your ambivalent feelings if they’re rearing their heads more and more.
